THE SADLER FAMILY

A Girl Can Dream

2011-07-25T22:54:00.002-06:00

While driving in the car today, this is what my little Maryn said:

"When I am older and I go skydiving, I am going to take my pet monkey with me."

That's the joy of childhood - pure, unadulterated, dreaming.

Mid-life Crisis

2011-07-25T21:47:00.002-06:00

I sat down to write tonight because I need to. I know I always feel "better" about my feelings if I can, although metaphorically, put pen to paper. But, as I sit here, I don't know what to say. I know that I have a whirlwind of feelings, thoughts, emotions, fears, hopes, dreams, hesitations, anticipations - the entire gamut of emotions - going on right now. So, I am going to try to be as succinct and sensible as I can. But, I'm certainly not making any promises!

One of the things I can't get out of my mind is a recent exchange I had with a friend. We were discussing a particular activity that is very important to me, but that I had been unable to do for a while. The question of how I could let anything get in the way of something so important to me was posed. When I was first asked the question, I almost felt embarrassed that I had, indeed, let something get in the way of my goal. But as I began to think on it further, I came to a conclusion - I don't get to do everything I want. Pretty straight forward, huh? But, it's true. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, an employee, etc. I wear many different hats at one time. And, as much as I would like it to "be all about me," it's not. And you know what? That kind of infuriates me.

Lately I have been having a pity party where, unfortunately, I was the only one to RSVP! I have been reflecting on my life and I have been quite dissatisfied. I feel angry that I have to consider others when making a decision. I hate that I have to answer to someone in regards to my whereabouts. I don't want to have to account for money that is spent. I wonder why I am the only one who has to worry about finding a babysitter. And so on and so forth. I know it sounds selfish. I know I am lucky to have the life that I do. I know that I am the only one responsible for the decisions I have made in my life. But, it doesn't take away the malcontent I am feeling.

In talking with some friends about my same age, I have been surprised to hear that I am not the only person having these feelings. Many others (men and women alike) are experiencing the same frustrations. I wish I could say that our discussions have led to some amazing, life-altering conclusions, but I would be lying. If anything, we have left feeling even more confused than before.

I am trying to keep in mind that this place I am in isn't forever. Life is all about the ebbs and flows. I have lived long enough to know the things that discourage me now will, likely, not matter one year from now - that I will look back on this time and yearn for it's simplicity. I am striving to focus on the good in my life - my family, my friends, my health, my job.

What I really hope is that those of you who might be struggling with the trials of life read this. And that by doing so, you will realize that you are not alone.

You Better Think Ahead!

2011-01-11T21:49:00.005-07:00

This is just a little ditty a friend shared with me. Some things to think about before you have kids. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

New Year...New You?

2011-01-09T13:11:00.002-07:00

I'm not big on resolutions. I guess the biggest reason is that I feel like it sets me up for failure. I know what some of you are thinking; "Well only if you don't follow through with your resolution." Ya, that's the problem.
Here's the deal. I tend to make resolutions that are so grandious, so insurmountable, SO aloof that there is no chance I could ever keep them. "I vow to never eat chocolate again." "I will exercise 3 hours everyday of the week, ESPECIALLY on vacation." "I will get back to my high school weight." "I will blog everyday." You get the point....
So I have decided to take another approach. Instead of calling them resolutions, I'm throwing around a few different titles - "Get your head in the game, Sadler. You're not gettin' any younger." "Are you really going to sit on the couch and hope your butt gets smaller by itself?" "Excuses, excuses, excuses." Some of you may say those titles are too lengthy. To you I say, "Pisha!"
So, stay tuned for some more "timely" blog posts, waive to me when you see me out for a run, and join me for some chocolate....on the couch..wishing my butt would get smaller all by itself.

Really

2010-12-12T22:22:00.002-07:00

I know, I know. I have some serious blogging to do. Did I mention I went back to work? Did I mention it was Christmas? Did I mention I have a million other excuses? I'm gonna do it.....really.

Where Did it Go?

2010-05-11T11:28:00.001-06:00

I have the good fortune to volunteer in my girls' classroom once a week. I find this to be an invaluable opportunity to get to see how my girls interact with others, gauge how they are performing in class, etc.

Last week their regular teacher was out sick so they had a substitute. She had just finished reading a story to them and began talking about the fact that the author and the illustrator had also been kindergartners at one time. She started asking the children what they wanted to be when they grew up and, of course, the answers varied widely from "worker at McDonald's, to a doctor, to a Mom. The obvious point being that they could be anything they wanted to be if they were willing to put in the time to make it happen.

You have probably heard about what Oprah calls an aha! moment. Well this was mine. I sat there pondering what I had wanted to be when I "grew up" (although I am not even sure I know what that means) and realizing that I hadn't achieved it. And then I began to wonder why.

Why do those 25 kids in that kindergarten class genuinely believe they can be whatever they want to be and where does that belief go? Why is it when you get to older you let go of that belief? Why do you allow your dreams to go by the wayside? And, furthermore, does it have to happen?

I guess for me those dreams collapsed when the reality of life set in. I started working when I was in 10th grade and had a job until I had my children. I got used to money, used to having what I wanted when I wanted and my dreams seemed like something of the past. Please don't misunderstand me. These were conscious choices and decisions I made. Nobody forced them upon me. I guess like many other people the "rat race," got the best of me.

So here I am, almost 38 years old, wondering some days why I gave up so easily. I do not regret anything that has happened in my life. I am a firm believer that everything in your life happens for a reason. Good, bad or indifferent there are lesson to be learned. And I love being a wife and a mother. I believe there is no greater calling. But what else could I have taught my kids, how much better of a wife could I have been, could I have contributed more to society if I would have followed my dreams?

The lesson for me from this aha! moment is to hold tight to my dreams. I will no longer allow someone to tell me I can't be who or what I want to be. I will follow my heart. I will try not to worry about what other people think or allow their judgements to cloud my pursuits. I intend to dream big, follow through and be the best ME I can.

NO and I Hate Babies

2010-05-05T15:54:00.002-06:00

We have a house for sale next door to us. Said house has been on the market for more than a year now. Many people have come looking, but it has yet to be purchased.

The last potential buyer came to my door asking about the neighborhood. I swear to you the first question out of his mouth was, "Is there an LDS church nearby?" I told him that I was not LDS but that there was a church just down the road. I asked him if he was new to Utah and he told me no and also informed me that his brother lived just down the street. Call me paranoid, but I think he wanted to know if I was LDS and just used that as a way to find out. Because, let's be honest, if you have lived in Utah your whole life and your brother lives down the street you know there is a church nearby. Am I right? Can I get an amen?

Cut to today. I am outside - minding my own business when I am approached by another potential buyer. Again, one of the first questions out of her mouth was, "Are you LDS?" First I want to thank her for making small talk with me before prying into my personal business. Second, I want to tell her no. And, I hate babies, apple pie and the smell of freshly washed laundry.

What gives here, people? First it is absolutely NOBODY'S business what religion I am. In fact I find that question to be almost as offensive as, "When are you due?" when, in fact, I am not pregnant.

Secondly, just because I am not Mormon does not mean I am not a good person. What the hell does my religion have to do with you buying the house next door to me? I promise when I smoke pot, cook meth, and get drunk on the weekends I won't make you do it.

I have absolutely NO problem with LDS people. I have wonderful neighbors - both LDS and non-LDS. But I truly resent the hell out of the fact that who or what I do or do not worship even factors in to any kind of conversation I have with you. Not YOU. Collective YOU. Unless YOU are one of those people who think they need to know that about me before befriending me.

Please, take me at face value. Get to know me. Get to know my family. Please don't make assumptions and please stop asking so many personal questions.

Sounds Painful

2010-05-03T22:52:00.001-06:00

Today my husband, Dan and I celebrated 13 amazing years together. It's surreal. I had no doubt in my mind that we would make it, but I don't think you can even wrap your head around 13 years together when you are young.

Last night while we were discussing how amazing it is to be married to me, I asked if he would like to renew our vows. He thought I said remove our bowels (another thing you don't know when you are young - that your man is going to be deaf one day). After I laughed for about 10 minutes, he told me he would prefer that to renewing our vows. I know, ladies. He is a romantic devil.

As with any celebration that marks the passing of time I began to reflect on the past and on our years together. It suddenly hit me how your definition of "romance" changes over time. I used to think it was romantic to get cards or flowers or jewelry for "gift-giving" occasions. Somehow the more material things I received the more it meant he loved me.

There were some years in the beginning of our marriage that we would make a big purchase for the house or go on a vacation in place of gifts for anniversaries or birthdays. However, when the actual birthday or anniversary came around I was devastated if I didn't get something. It seems so foolish and spoiled when I say it. I am embarrassed that I wasted time being mad.

Nowadays, romance for me has an entirely different definition all together. It's romantic to have a husband that loves you, supports you, and listens to you cry when you try month after month to conceive and can't. A true romantic cleans up after you when you finally do get pregnant but spend the entire pregnancy sick in bed.

Romance is when you are SO tired and depressed after the birth of your twins that your husband sacrifices sleep and life all-together to take care of you and your babies. It's romantic when he changes diapers, bathes kids, snuggles them and loves them.

A romantic man finds a way to comfort you after the death of his own mother. Often putting aside his grief to help you through yours. Years later this same man stands by you as you deal with the death of your own parent. Offering guidance, advice, a listening ear and a strong shoulder.

True romance is a husband who takes time out of his morning to prepare breakfast for his kids and helps get them out of the door. Then, turns right around and does the same thing at lunch.

People constantly tell me how lucky I am. Believe me, I know. I am blessed far beyond measure. Rare is the person these days who can say they are married to someone who supports them in anything and everything they do. I am fortunate to have found that in my spouse. I am also blessed that he loves me in spite of my faults and always makes me want to be a better person.

Thank you, Dan for the most amazing years of my life. I love you forever and always.

Take a Gander

2010-04-02T16:38:00.001-06:00

Hi All,

Take a look at my new business blog. I would love to hear your feedback.

Thanks!
Tiffany

www.wishesandwhimsygoods.blogspot.com

If Only I Would Have Known

2010-03-26T07:57:00.003-06:00

Today Maryn told me what her definition of the "best Mom in the world" was. This might surprise you:

She wears fancy clothes ALL of the time.
She's not afraid to let her kids jump on the trampoline.
She gives her kids piggyback rides.

I need to start over.

Tiny Dancers

2010-03-11T17:16:00.006-07:00

O.K. So I decided it would be a great idea to have Madelyn and Maryn try out for their dance studio's competition team. I don't know if it was the same day I also decided to smoke meth or the day the I first tried crack cocaine. Suffice it to say, not my greatest decision making moment.

If I may defend myself. Because I know what you are saying to yourself. "Who puts their 6 year old on a competition dance team?" "What parent in their right mind wants to subject their daughter to the woes of competition at such an early age?" "What in the hell were you thinking?"

All good questions. In fact all questions that I have asked myself. So here is my explanation - paltry as it may be. I felt as if they would have the opportunity to learn more. See? Perfectly good reason. I knew you would think so.

This little adventure has not been anything like I imagined. First, they were only supposed to participate in one or two competitions. We are now in five. Secondly, I was under the impression (FALSE) that if it was a competition team perhaps things would be a little more organized than in a regular class setting. Did I mention I was WRONG? I also didn't realize that competition season ran well into the summer. There are so many other things amiss about the equation, but I bet you get the point. However, that is neither here nor there at this point. We signed up and by damn we are going to see this commitment through. (But only because I am trying to teach a lesson. I would be LONG GONE if I could be. Oh the trials of parenthood.)

I digress.

I really just wanted to show you the cute picture of my little girlies at their recent performance. This might surprise you (if you have been living under a rock for the last 6 years or you have never met Maryn), but she was mortified that she had to wear a wig. In fact, as strong as that word is, I am not sure if it really portrays her feelings. But she did it. Although she did tell her teacher that she didn't think the wig matched the costume and that it would be "much cuter" without it. I should tell you that they danced to ABC by the Jackson 5. Hence the wig.

They're kinda cute, eh?

P.S. I am going to take a photography class. I know...pathetic photos.

Shameless Self Promotion

2010-03-03T07:54:00.002-07:00

A fun, new adventure coming my way. Who knew?

My crafty-craftiness has earned me a spot at a new boutique. The boutique is opening this summer next to Four Chairs in Lindon. I don't even think they have named it yet, but I will be sure to give you the details when I get them.

My jewelry will also be featured at a local coffee shop called High Point Coffee. Not only do they serve tasty treats and a mean iced tea, they are really NICE people.

And lastly, I have set up a shop on that dangerous crafting website, Etsy. I don't have my items posted yet but, again, I will let you know when I do!

Who Said Child Labor Can't Be Fun?

2010-02-27T09:46:00.003-07:00

At different times during the girls' lives, we have had people come in to help clean (insert judgment here). The girls have always thought it was interesting and especially loved it when one person left mints under our pillows.

So today they wanted to play "cleaning lady." Years ago for Christmas my Mom gave them a toy cleaning set complete with brooms, mops, and a "wet floor" sign. Well now that they are older they understand there is a bit more to cleaning the house than mopping and sweeping. So they asked me to get them Clorox wipes and Windex. And, really, who am I to begrudge them a perfectly good playing experience (insert judgment here)?

Suffice it to say that the baseboards that have been on my "to do" list for years are getting the attention they need.

I just love imaginations!

Convos with the Kiddos

2010-02-20T08:18:00.002-07:00

Maryn: "Mom, I am so short."

Me: "Maryn, it might just be part of the Italian genes."

Maddie: "No fair! What do I have that's Italian?"

Maryn: "Your hairy back."

Maddie: Smile from ear to ear because....she just digs being Italian.

Little Ditties

2010-02-14T14:03:00.015-07:00

In my last post, I shared with you my new found love of all things crafty. Well here are a couple of the things my friend Brandy and I have been working on. If you are interested in learning more about anything you see, drop me a line and we can chat.

August 15th? Really?

2010-02-12T20:58:00.002-07:00

WOW. How time doth fly. I knew it had been a while but sheesh.

In all seriousness, I have been procrastinating a bit. There have been many things I have wanted to write about. But every time I sit down I think I need to have the pictures of the event, or I need more time to truly give the story or thought what it deserves. Then I think, well I can't really blog about THAT without first telling about THIS. See my dilemma?

So tonight I told myself to just sit down and write. And already the catharsis has set in. I forget how much I need to do this.

For those of you reading this, I provide the following disclaimer:
I have not blogged for about 6 months. It is late. It is the end of the week. I am tired. I need chocolate. I have alot on my mind.

I think the best approach to get back into the swing of things is the ol' bullet system. Please forgive me.

I regret that I live in the Jordan School District. Last night it was announced that the district will be laying off 500 employees. 250 of those will be teachers. Additionally, class sizes will increase by an average of four students. This is more than incomprehensible. It is disgusting. I know that it is not wise to complain without first having some kind of solution to the problem. That said, I really have no idea how this is going to work. I volunteer in the girls' classroom 3 hours once a week. Their class has 25 students. I see how, at times, it becomes a matter of crowd control. No learning is happening. And they have a wonderful teacher who, in spite of the fact I don't always love her style, genuinely cares about her students. One teacher, who will be losing an hour of paid preparation time, was quoted in the paper as saying he would have to resort to showing movies so he would have time to get all the paperwork completed. Movies? We are sending our kids to school to learn with movies? There has got to be a better way. And I am going to fight to find one.
I'm a little crafty. There. I said it. A bit of background. My friend Brandy and I had a wild hair one day and decided to make bows for our girls' hair. (Wild hair and hair bows - while clever, not intentional) What started as a small idea mushroomed into a concept to start a craft business. We decided on a few items we wanted to make and began the task. Unfortunately our business plan has yet to come to fruition because of circumstances beyond our control. But I want to touch on one of the most important parts of this experience. Sitting with Brandy a few days a week for a few months was one of the best learning experiences of my life. And it had nothing to do with the handiwork. Brandy has had her share of trials to endure over the course of the last 12 years. Recently she has had to make some very tough decisions. I want to tell you that the grace, confidence and peace she has shown while making these life-altering decisions, has changed me. I don't want to go into any more detail here as I am sure she does not want her life story told on my blog. But if you want to learn more about the true meaning of Karma, this is the girl you should hang with. P.S. I have also learned that I am pretty good at "crafting" and I am continuing. In fact, I recently bought a sewing machine and started taking lessons. I am in the process of making some skirts for my girlies. I KNOW!
I will never, ever, have another worry free day in my life. I am sure that people warned me how much you will worry about your kids. In fact, I know they did. And I remember thinking that they could not and should not speak for me because my circumstances would be different. I wonder exactly what crow tastes like?

Well peeps, this is all I have for tonight. Well I have more, but it will have to wait. I am still tired and, while I have a bit less on my mind, I am currently having chocolate withdrawals.

It Was Bound to Happen

2009-08-15T21:37:00.003-06:00

It's true people. Don't be a naysayer. Listen to those around you. Your kids grow up WAY too fast.
The girlies started Kindergarten a few weeks ago. As most of you reading this know, I have been dreading this day for a while now. I have heard some of the moms talk about how excited they were to have their kids in school. So I kept wondering why I was seemingly the only one who was struggling. I came to the conclusion that it is because they are twins.
One of the "cons" of having twins is that they generally reach the big milestones in life at the same time. That means when they go to school, I don't have any more "babies." Conversely, it also means that diapers, teething, and potty training are also done at the same time. Color me lucky.
So the big day came and we were prepared. I had spent the better part of Sunday night ironing clothes and putting outfits together so they could experience some autonomy by picking out what they wanted to wear everyday. And, because I can't relinquish all of the control yet, I could still make sure they matched. Backpacks were out and loaded. I had gotten up early to get ready so as not to embarrass Madelyn when I walked her and Maryn into their first day of class. I had convinced myself, erroneously, that the morning would go off without a hitch.
After Dan and I woke the girls and gave them a few minutes to adjust, I broke the news to them that I wanted to curl their hair so it could look "extra special" for the momentous occasion. I got the normal contention from Maryn but after some manipulation, she conceded. However, this was apparently THE day that Madelyn wanted to see where her boundaries were.
Now I love my little Maddie more than life itself, and I am sure her independent spirit is going to serve her well someday, but DAMN that girl is spunky.
Let me tell you, she argued and moaned and whined and argued and folded arms and stomped feet and, did I mention, argued? And, although I didn't throw the same tantrum, apparently I was determined to stand my ground as well. As a sidenote, I have been asked by nearly everyone I have told this story to why I insisted to fight that battle. And I wish I had a really good answer. Let's just say, I guess we know where Madelyn gets it from.
So after much ado about nothing (in retrospect) we left for school and arrived - what a way to make a first impression-late. And perhaps it was a blessing in disguise because I was SO mad at them for fighting with me that I was actually really happy they were going to school!
But I can say that things have gotten better. We have all relented a bit and have gotten used to the schedule. And I do miss them when they are gone. This house gets pretty quiet without them.
I have always believed that a parents job is to prepare their children to eventually not need them. And, although their independence is hard to take sometimes, I am proud of who they are and I feel blessed to have had the past five years to be their mommy.
I wonder if they would like homeschooling?

P.S. Pictures to follow in the a.m.

Java Jealousy

2009-08-15T21:12:00.002-06:00

So there I was at my local coffee joint when the following epiphany hit me.... I wanna be a barista. I mean think about it. Who wouldn't want to be? Just hear me out.
First of all, think about your local coffee craftperson. There they are at that little window providing people with, what some might say, their drug of choice. No middle man. No sneaky, damp, corridors where money exchanges hands (I swear I have only seen this stuff on T.V). We are talking right out in broad daylight. And, from what I've heard the hard stuff is goin' for these days, relatively inexpensively I might add. And lest we forget - they even get a tip.
Next point. They have style. Their spiky (sometimes multi-colored) hair, tats, piercings. Hipness exudes from their very pores. SIDEBAR. I really want my nose pierced. Hence my thinking that piercing=hipness. But, apparently, MRS. SOCIETY in all HER judgemental mightiness has decided that those over 21 look "silly" with holes in various and sundry orifices. And, apparently, Dan and MRS. SOCIETY had a talk and she convinced him likewise. Some people and their opinions. Where was I?
Third, they get to chitty-chat with their "regulars." HOW FUN IS THAT? A job where you get to chat it up all day. While providing drugs. And being hip.
Now if you'll excuse me I'm on my way to Starbucks.

Lowered Expectations

2009-07-17T12:43:00.003-06:00

A man Dan works with once told him that the key to a happy marriage was low expectations. I remember Dan coming home and telling me that and feeling like that was the most cynical advice I had ever heard. When Dan and I talked more about it, I realized that this gentleman really did have a point. If you don't have expectations of people, then it is easier not to be hurt or disappointed when they don't deliver.
So I have tried to follow that sage advice with a few different relationships in my life. Relationships were I know the person is unable and unwilling to provide what I need or want. There are times that it has worked and times that it has not. And for every time it hasn't worked, I blame myself. I hear the internal dialogue that condemns me for someone else's shortcomings.
But today I had an epiphany of sorts. I realized that I don't want relationships wherein I can't expect things from another person.
See, if you know anything about me at all, you know that I am fiercely loyal. Generally, if you and I become friends, we are friends for life. I am proud of these connections. I am blessed that I have such amazing and caring people to share my life with. And when I sat down to write this post, I began thinking about what all of these relationships have in common. That "thing" is the fact that I can count on these people. That I can expect certain things of them. And, in return, they can expect that I will be there for them. Isn't that the point of a real friendship?
So to the person that provided me this learning opportunity, I say thank you. And, I am sorry that because you can't tolerate relationships with expectations, you will miss out on some really great times.

How Long?

2009-04-14T13:10:00.003-06:00

A friend of mine recently posted the following status on her Facebook account - "How long is now?" I commented asking exactly what she meant by that. She said (and I am taking the liberty of paraphrasing which I hope is O.K.) that you are always telling yourself that you will do things - run a marathon, be nicer in traffic, stop freaking out about things, etc. And you always say you will do it starting now. But days, weeks, months, even years go by and you never get around to actually making the changes. She said she had a bit of an epiphany and realized that THIS is NOW.
Her realization and subsequent comment really resonated with me as I have been struggling with many of the same issues. "When my kids get in school...," "When I lose some of this weight...," "When I have more money..." I realized too, that my "nows" are passing me by.
So I have been seeking some answers. Trying to find ways I can live in the moment, be more present. In this quest, I realized that much of my problem stems from the fact that I often find that I am more concerned with what others are doing than with what is happening in my very own household. I know the correlation seems ambiguous, so let me explain. There are times that I read someones blog or see something that someone has posted on Facebook and I feel inadequate. And, at the risk of sounding completely crazy, sometimes jealous. "So and so is on the 111th mile of their 300 mile weekend run," "So and so's kids are studying pre-med and they are in Jr. High," "So and so is going to Tahiti." Now listen, before you leave feeling offended, let me assure you that I am not judging people's Facebook status or what they write on their blog. In fact, I have written some of the same (albeit less fascinating) things. All I am saying is that reading those things can make a person (especially a CRAZY person) start to feel pretty damn deficient. And don't tell me you don't know what I am talking about. While you are sitting there eating leftover Easter candy in your sweats while dishes pile in the sink, don't try to tell me you are happy that your "friend" just went to her 4th spinning class. In one day. Right after Yoga class. Followed by a 3 mile run. And, if you can really say you have no idea what I mean, I am glad you are my friend and "POOF," you are officially a saint.
But, alas, I have not been offered sainthood so I must make my own metamorphosis. Which means making changes that aren't necessarily easy.
One such change is deactivating my Facebook account. I would like to say it was no big deal. But I would be a liar. It was hard. It took me a few days. I even feel a little lonely without my "friends." I am currently searching for a Facebook withdrawal medication.
Secondly, I am trying to remember that my girls will never be 5 (and a half) again. Which means I can put up with some of the unpleasantries of motherhood (butt wiping, finding stuffed animals, lack of pleases and thank you's, a labored bedtime routine, etc.) so that I can enjoy the blessed and more rewarding parts.
Next, I am trying to remember that nobody cares much about the state of your yard or the ultra-cleanliness of your home. For most, a clean place to sit and chat will work just fine and, as long as the weeds aren't waist high most neighbors won't call the city.
I am trying to keep in mind that although marriage isn't always glamorous, I am lucky to be married to my best friend. I have a mate who loves me good, bad or indifferent, and who puts up with more than most men would.....EVER.
I am focusing on ways to make me a healthier person, both inside and out. I am celebrating the tiny steps. The days I make it to the gym and push it a little harder, the times I eat all my fruits and veggies, the times I stop, if only for a moment, the cycle of self-loathing.
And, lastly, I am rededicating myself to the gift of meditation. I believe that this will help me be a more creative and disciplined person. It will allow me to chip away everything that keeps me from experiencing my own divinity.
I hope I will see you on my journey. I need your guidance, your love and your support. And Shelley, thank you for your words that gave me the wake up call I needed to embark on this adventure.

It's All About The Journey

2009-04-10T02:32:00.003-06:00

I am struggling. I can't really pinpoint my feelings. I am restless yet tired, bored yet overwhelmed, wanting some kind of change but scared to leave my comfort zone.
I have always struggled with depression. It is something that embarrasses me. I feel like everyone around me is perfectly able to cope and I can't. I wonder why I can't. Is it really a "chemical imbalance," or am I just weak?
For the most part, I have been able to keep it at bay. But when my mother-in-law died 3 years ago it sent me reeling into a lonely,dark place I thought I might never escape from. I gained 50 lbs., lost interest in many of the things that once gave me joy, and began a twisted journey of self-loathing. No amount of therapy and no prescription for medication could set me free. But I was determined to feel better. I couldn't bear the thought of my girls seeing me this way, remembering a childhood lived with a mother who was helplessly lost. So I trudged on and, eventually, dug myself out. But I am here again.
I am sure the death of my Dad is the catalyst for these feelings. It is clear that I don't know how to deal with loss. The worst part is the picture I have of him the day he died. He struggled to get comfortable, longed to get up, and, finally succumbed to the inevitable. As much as I am grateful for the time I had with him, I feel guilt for the time I didn't spend. The months I chose, consciously or unconsciously, to ignore it. The days I will never get back.
So I am here. Here in an empty, sad place that I can't get out of. I haven't been able to find the energy to change it. I want to. I know I need to. But I can't. I am scared.
It is an odd thing, depression. For anyone who hasn't experienced it, there are really no words to describe it. You feel so lonely, but having people around you is unbearable. I guess it is all the work that goes into playing the part. Putting that smile on day after day. Stuffing your feelings. Playing nice.
It is tiresome and fake. It is the feeling you get when you have the wind knocked out of you. Like someone has punched you square in the gut. An insatiable hunger for something, anything different than today.
But I am trying to remember that life is a journey. Today, tomorrow, even a month from now, I may still feel this way. But soon the ebbs and flows of life will take me somewhere else. A better place than I am now. And from every journey there is a lesson to be learned. Something that, hopefully, will make me a better, stronger person. A more authentic version of myself.
But knowing also that in every journey there is collateral damage. Things, relationships, people that are better left behind.
I am longing for this change. Ready to accept it when it comes. Excited to learn, be better, move on.
The power to make it different lies in me. Nobody can make the journey for me.

Very Little Slumber Party

2009-04-05T09:03:00.002-06:00

Maryn and Maddie got to experience their first "pajama party" as Maryn called it.
Now you must know that I have anxiously (and secretively) awaited this moment for a long time. Some of my favorite memories of childhood were of slumber parties at my house. My mom would let me invite 8 to 10 of my friends over and then we would proceed to sprawl all of our blankets and pillows all over the living room. I know it made her slightly crazy. And I know this because it would me, too.
So they asked me if their friend Sami could sleep over. Now Sami is my sweet friend Brandy's daughter. Brandy and I have known each other since our days of working at the ol' Cyprus Credit Union. In those days we used to have sleepovers. That was when I was first introduced to Cadbury mini eggs. And wine coolers. And the "problems" with sex. But that is for a different post.
We picked Sami up and went to Olive Garden for dinner. Just for the record, the kids didn't ask to go to Olive Garden, I did. The girls all ordered noodles with butter and Sprite. It was like having triplets instead of twins! They all behaved like perfect little ladies. Dan accidentally sat right across from Sami. I think she might have been too scared to eat.
Then sweet Dan stopped by the store to get some ice cream to complete our night. The girls gobbled it up (and I am, incidentally, one of those "girls") and proceeded to play like crazy.
Now if you don't have girls, you may have never heard girls play. It is more like running and high pitched screaming followed by a little tattling. Oh, and many wardrobe changes. A perfect little combination.
They started asking for popcorn and scary movies and staying up late. Ah, just like I remember. We let them stay up until 9:00. Little did we know that when you have 3 little giggly girls at a slumber party you should put them to bed an hour or so before you want them to actually fall asleep.
We still have a monitor in their room, so we went into the kitchen to listen to all of the "girly"talk. We heard talk of what they wanted to be when they grow up (Sami wants to be a preschool teacher, a dance teacher, and a babysitter, Madelyn a preschool teacher and Maryn a farmer), talk about stinkers and toots (who needs boys?) and other various and sundry topics. Too funny and oh so nostalgic.
After giggling, me coming in and telling them to go to sleep, more giggling, more of me coming in, they finally went to sleep. Sweet slumber.
Until 4:00 that is. That is when Madelyn and Sami both needed to go to the bathroom. Lights on! Doors open! Giggly girls! I couldn't be mad. I may have even been smiling a little.
I wasn't smiling quite as much when they woke up at 7:00. But hey, that's what it's all about, right? Again Dan saved the day by letting me sleep in for another hour or so. He also made pancakes for the girls for breakfast. Man, what a guy.
As I write, they are sitting in the living room having a tea party (with water) and pretending they are from China. And Maryn is barking. Oh, and she literally just peed her pants because someone said something funny.
Well I guess that means I am done posting.... Girls are fun.

Spring Fling

2009-03-30T08:23:00.003-06:00

For spring break from the college this year, we decided to take a family vacation. Since we had forgotten what the sun looked like, we decided to go to Zions and St. George. As it turned out our great friends, the Border's, were also escaping the gloom and doom and we were going to be there at the same time.
So a little sidebar to tell you about the Border's. First, they are amazing people. Dan used to work with Christopher at the Department of Public Safety. They also owned a computer consulting business together.
I heard about the Border's when Dan and I first met. The thing I remember the most is that Christopher's wife, Dawn, used to make these amazing dinners for Dan whenever he would go over to their house for work. Dan always talked about her food and I was nervous that when we got married he was going to have those same expectations of me!
We have spent some really great times together camping, and dining, and just hanging out. They love my girls and my girls think of them as family. As do we. They are good people. So I was excited that we were going to be able to spend some time together.
We drove down Friday afternoon after Dan got done with some "thing" called work. Apparently without it there is no vacation. Or home. Or food. Yada, yada.
Luckily, our girls are seasoned travelers and they do amazingly well on trips. We stopped along the way to gas up and get some treats (I got Dots and then cried for a half hour because my Dad loved them) and got back on the road.
Maryn and Madelyn entertained us the whole time with talk of their "friend" from China who is really rude. Apparently she always calls them for a sleepover not realizing the time difference and makes them feel bad because it is morning here. I have NO idea.
It was amazing to see all of the trees starting to bloom and green grass. We took a detour in La Verkin because I saw some houses that I wanted to live in. Can you imagine having Zions as the backdrop for your home? It was beautiful.
Madelyn has a natural (or is it dramatic?) appreciation for outdoor scenery. She is always the one to comment on rainbows or blue skies. So she kept commenting on how wonderful everything looked. They had their princess cell phone that takes pictures (again, imaginary) so they were snapping picturesque landscape photos all the way. In fact, they began fighting over who was getting to take the most pictures. I did mention that the camera was fake, right?
Once we got to the hotel, we realized the Border's room was right next door to ours. Dawn taught Maddie a secret knock that would let her know when we were awake in the morning and we all chatted about what we would do the next day. Then, we went to eat some dinner at the hotel restaurant. Our waitress had a very distinct accent and the girls were very curious to know where she was from. After much prodding (see whining) they convinced Dan to ask her. Apparently she is from Russia and just recently moved here. If you want my opinion - and I know you do because you are reading my blog - Dan wanted to talk to her. Let's just say she was "blessed" in the breast department.
We headed out the next morning for a hike in Zions. Everyone had talked about going on a few little hikes that the girls could do. Luckily the Borders had no agenda and they were fine to just spend time together. I have to tell you I was a bit leery of the girls ability to hike for more than a very short distance. But they were absolute troopers.
We hiked to Weeping Rock and then tackled all of the Emerald Pools. Although the day started out a little cold, it was perfect once we got going. Maryn and Madelyn made us all line up single file (ala Challenger Schools I am sure) and told us the importance of staying in that line. They are bossy little monsters. A trait I am SURE they get from the Sadler side. Because, if anyone knows me, you know I am not bossy at all. No, not me. Christopher and Chandler got out of line to hike a little faster which really irritated Madelyn. She said they were not allowed to hike with us if they couldn't follow the rules.
We ended the day with a little shopping where Christopher bought me this beautiful clay dish that I was admiring. It was so generous of him and I appreciated it so much. What a great guy.
They were staying in Zions and we had reservations in St. George so we had to say our goodbyes. Madelyn was so upset to learn that Dawn wasn't going to be able to swim with us.
We checked in and made our way to the room. I am always so happy to see the girls' reaction when we get to a hotel. They are so appreciative of every little amenity. It is funny, we have stayed in some very nice hotels but it seems the simpler the room, the more impressed they are.
On our agenda for the stay was swimming, swimming and more swimming. So after breakfast each day, that is exactly what we did.
The weather was absolutely amazing. It was so nice to feel the warmth of the sun and just enjoy being outside. The girls were able to practice their water skills and were feeling pretty confident by the end of the trip.
On our last day there we decided to take full advantage of our swim time. I told the girls we could swim, come back for a quick change of clothes and bathe when we got home. They were thrilled to have a little more time.
It was such a great trip and gave us just the time away we needed. Dan and I were amazed at how well the girls did. No fighting, no tantrums. They are definitely big girls now. And, although that is nice, it was an eye-opener. I can't believe how fast the time has gone by.
You gotta' love vacations.

My Daddy

2009-03-26T09:28:00.002-06:00

When you lose someone you love, it seems the smallest of things can remind you of that person. Such is the case as I drove the girls to school today.
We were driving past a construction site and there was a man all bundled up with a bandanna wrapped around his face to keep it protected from the elements. Immediately I thought of my Dad.
I thought of all of the times he went to work, rain or shine, to provide for his family - sometimes working 10 hour days in sweltering heat or biting cold. And, he never once complained.
I hope I told my dad enough how much I appreciated him for all he did for me. He provided me not only with everything I needed, but most everything I wanted.
I love you Dad, and I am missing you so much today.

Fun and Sporty - Girls Trip 2009

2009-03-23T10:03:00.003-06:00

The past few days I have had the good fortune of spending an amazing time with my BFF, Emily. Every year for the past three years, we have gone on a girl's trip. The first year, we went to New York City. Plays, a 10K, food, subway rides, hauling suitcases through underground mazes, and shopping. Last year it was Viva Las Provo. Emily, in her VERY pregnant stage, did not want to be far from home. So, Provo was our destination. BYU Courgarettes dance performance, lots of Reece's peanut butter cups (Emily was eating for two and me, being the great friend I am, wanted to support her), and facials. Who says you can't have fun in Utah County? And, 2009 was Santa Monica.
Our flight left at 11:50. Which means our weekend of non-stop talking started at 10:45. And, we can talk. In fact, last year we were "shushed" by a member of the Jet Blue flight crew for talking during the safety instructions. Apparently they want you to listen more carefully when seated in an exit row. Killjoys.
We arrived at LAX and picked up our fun and sporty Mustang V6. Now that's what I'm talking about. Two chicks, L.A., Mustangs. Yeah baby. Party on, Garth. Party on, Wayne.
We drove "Fun and Sporty" to "Out of our League," also known as Le Merigot Marriot. When we arrived I asked where we might find guest parking. This was when I first realized we weren't in Kansas anymore. "Ma'am, we only offer valet parking." "Yes, yes, of course." "VALET parking is what I meant to say."
So off we went to find our room. The hotel was beautiful and the customer service was first-rate. Our personal attendant (this was what we deemed him, not necessarily what he called himself) was David. A nice gentleman who, unfortunately, lacked a quick wit. But we liked him anyway.
Our room was not quite ready so we headed out to find some lunch. We ate at a quaint little Italian restaurant that was infested with nats. O.K., not infested. But, there were quite a few flying around. But the food was good and the company even better. After an evening of face masks, candy and T.V., we hit the sack.
The next morning, we headed out to find breakfast. We happened upon a little restaurant called "Jinkey's." It was AWESOME. Delicious omelette's and yummo hashbrowns. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.
Emily has wanted to cut her hair since girl's trip 2007. So, I decided this was a great opportunity. We headed to a trendy little salon and had a consultation with a fun stylist named Cherry. So you are not confused, it is not pronounced like the fruit, rather like Sherry. Or Shary. Or Sharri. You get the drift. Emily made an appointment for the next day.
We took in some street performances which, incidentally, I decided is my true calling in life. I also had my palm read as well as my tarot cards. The summation is thus; my chakras are blocked and my aura needs cleansing. Which I believe explains everything. After a nice dinner at CPK, we headed back to the hotel for candy, T.V., and an at-home facial. Are you seeing a trend here?
We rose bright and early on Saturday (O.K. not bright - or early) and headed out for another breakfast. If there is one thing that Em and I are good at, it is seeking out the culinary delights of any city. We had another fine feast at a cute little crepe restaurant that morning. Then it was time to go to Em's hair appointment. Can I tell you that I was so excited for this momentous occasion that I hardly slept the night before? In we went and there they cut. And...it turned out SO cute. I think it was because she has an amazing occipital bone. Emily liked it too and she was lookin' trend-o-rific.
We decided to go to Sephora for a makeover after the cut. We got all smokey-eyed and glossy lipped. A word to the wise. If you live in Santa Monica (or any locale where you might find a Sephora close by) don't bother getting ready for work in the morning. And, whatever you do, don't waste your money on make-up. Turns out you can just walk in and use all of their samples and voila'! You are golden.
Sadly the weather was not great, so we didn't get in any ocean time, but we did get to take in the sights at Santa Monica Pier. Guess what those sights were? WELL....first, Emily's stardar (kind of like radar but different) spotted Kelly Preston. I must say that I really didn't believe it at first. So we continued to stalk her until I was sure. Hey, it's a free country. Then we saw Melissa from The Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars fame. She was with her new insurance salesman beau we appropriately named "State Farm." I can't believe we didn't snap a photo. We could have sold it to Star magazine and made ourselves millions. So much for giving people their privacy.
After star gazing, it was time for dinner. We ate at a Mexican restaurant where it happened to be social hour. Is it a coincidence that social hour started when we arrived? I think not. Em ordered a water and got it in a special kids cup. We barely saw our waitress throughout our dining experience. Apparently if you don't take advantage of the 2 for 1 margarita special, you don't matter. Take note.
Sadly it was now Sunday and our trip had come to an abrupt end. Time really does fly when you are having fun. We did some shopping, ate FABULOUS cupcakes and headed to the airport. Luckily we still had some time on the flight to chat. After all, we had only spent four days together. We sat next to this cute little college student who was probably thinking something along the lines of "I wonder if my mom acts this goofy when she is with her friends?" We ended the flight in tears of laughter due to a mom who embarrassed her teenage son.
I am so lucky to have such a wonderful friend. If you read my previous post about Emily, you know that she is one amazing gal. She truly makes me a better person just by being around her.
So, here's to slim, skinny and bikini ready 2010....
Love ya, Em.

Missing You

2009-03-23T09:48:00.002-06:00

It was recently the third anniversary of the death of my mother-in-law. With that in mind, I want to share with you the top ten things I loved about her.

Her love and acceptance of me. From the first day I met her, she accepted me. She continued to love me and treat me like her daughter until the day she died.
Her love for my children. She loved my girls so much. One of the saddest parts about her being gone is that she is not here to see my girls grow up. I hope she can see them.
Her happy disposition. Even when times where hard, she continued to have a positive attitude. That really taught me alot.
Her selflessness. She was always willing to put aside her "to do" list to help someone else.
All of the time she spent helping me when my girls were born. I could not have done it without her.
Fun family parties. Nancy always made sure we got together with one another. She was the glue that held us together.
The fact that she raised such a wonderful son. I thank her everyday for making my husband the kind of man he is today.
Her cooking. I miss yummy chicken, apple crisp, and salad.
Her gardening advice.
Her voice. It was the voice that boisterously welcomed you to her home, shouted with joy and the birth of my girls, and gave me advice when I needed it most.

I love you Nanc. And, I miss you everyday.

What A Kid Will Do For A Dollar...Literally

2009-03-07T22:10:00.003-07:00

For those of you who may or may not know, I have been known to utilize the services of a housekeeper in the past. Even in the present. It started after I had the girls. I knew there was no way I was going to have the time to keep up on housework like I had before they were born. So I begged (see cried) and Dan agreed (see begrudgingly) to hire someone.
After about 4 housekeepers, it became apparent that nobody was going to clean my house like I wanted it cleaned. One day, after a particularly bad cleaning job followed by a particularly bad tirade, Dan told me I was either going to have to relax my standards or do it myself. A "put up or shut up," if you will. So I did what any self-respecting mom would do - I lowered my expectations. Incidentally, low expectations are also what makes a happy marriage according to Dan. But that is for a different post.
I have had a couple of cleaners in the past. One, as you might have learned from a previous post, was totally dishonest and the other quit. Something about her husband being sent to Iraq and she needed to be with the family....yada, yada.
I recently found another cleaner who I quite liked. But, with the tough financial times coupled with the fact that I want to spend my entire summer traveling, I have decided to buck up and, dare I say, CLEAN MY OWN HOUSE.
Dan and I talked and decided that if we both took a couple of hours each Saturday (kids included) we could keep things in check. Now the girls are great at cleaning up, but I thought a good pep talk and a little monetary incentive would be helpful.
My dear friend Emily once told me that when they clean the house, she reminds her kids how lucky they are to have toys to clean up, a house to clean, etc. I did tell them this, but it was hard to keep a straight face. C'mon. Be grateful you HAVE toys to clean up? I love you, Em.
Now for the monetary incentive. I told them I would pay them $1.50 (I know, we are cheap. Would it surprise you to know that Dan thought that was too much?) if they would do everything I asked of them. The other caveat? For every complaint a nickel was taken away.
Everyone was in agreement, but the concept of money being taken away eluded Maddie. She wanted to know how we could take money away. "Are you just going to tear off a corner of the dollar?" So I proceeded to find 30 nickels and lay them out on the bed. I then found 6 quarters, and finally and dollar bill and 2 quarters. From there we explained how all of this money was the same value. Side note: This little exercise reminded me so much of my Dad. He made sure we knew how to count money. It was something he spent hours helping me learn.
I am happy to say that all chores were completed with no whining, moaning and complaining - with the exception of me.
Maybe we will just stay home this summer.....

H.E. Double Toothpicks

2009-02-28T11:24:00.001-07:00

While I was on vacation this morning (that is what I call it when I sleep in on the weekend) Maryn decided to use her potty mouth. Apparently, she got mad at one of her pets on her computer game (I realize this might be a trait that requires MORE counseling) and said "What the hell?" Now, I am actually proud of her for a couple of reasons. "Proud?" you might be asking yourself? Why yes. First of all, she only used the word hell. Which, for some, is really only a destination. Secondly, when I asked her where she heard that word she said "From Grandma." Do you know what this means? The kid didn't rat me out! Dan told me this morning that my mouth was reminiscent of a construction site. I beg to differ. My mouth, when I am away from my children , is reminiscent of a construction site. I have, by the grace of God (and by God I mean the real Savior - not a swear word. That is where I draw the line), figured out a way NOT to swear in front of my kids. She was so embarrassed. You know when your parents talk about sex and you put your hands over your ears and say "LA, LA, LA, LA?" That is what she did when we tried to talk to her about it. I think this mean she won't be doing it again. And that, is a damn good thing.

I'm Baaaaack

2009-02-24T13:19:00.004-07:00

Well, after a lengthy hiatus from blogging (that damn Facebook taking up my time), I have decided to write a little ditty today. May I remind you again that this blog is like therapy for me -but cheaper. So, I don't promise this post will be all sunshine and roses. Ooooh, sunshine and roses. Doesn't that sound dreamy?
Today marks the twentieth day I have been without my Dad. Wow. Only 20 days? Some days it seems like he has been gone forever. Other days....well suffice it to say, reality bites.
I was able to be with my Dad when he died. Well, across the hall anyway. I think he preferred it that way. I had been in his room talking with him only moments before he passed. I looked in. He was pale. I knew he was gone. I just couldn't handle the finality of it all. I thought I had more time. There is never enough time.
I was also lucky enough to have the opportunity to tell my Dad everything I wanted him to know the night before he died. I am not a religious person (spiritual, but not religious) but something made me talk to my dad that night. I had to. Not only did I need him to know how I felt about him, he deserved to know. I had hesitated telling him before that night. Afraid if I said the words, he would die sooner. Like it was a secret. Maybe he didn't know how sick he was. Maybe not acknowledging it would make it go away. My modus operandi.
I had drafted a letter days before. A letter that would later become my talk at his funeral. I considered throwing it at him and running. I thought maybe I could just quietly leave it by his bedside and slip away. If he didn't see it, surely my mom would and she would read it to him. I wouldn't have to. But, I did.
I told my Dad how proud I was to be his daughter. How much I appreciated all the sacrifices he had made for me. How his influence had shaped me into the person I am today. How much I loved him. Oh, how I loved him.
We called Hospice and they came and cleaned him up. Got him dressed. Made him look like my Daddy again. What a handsome man he was. They said I could help them get him all prepared. I wanted to. I couldn't. We called the mortuary. I dreaded them coming. I didn't want them to take my Dad from his home. That was were he belonged. Home. With us. But he was already gone. They came. The took him. I couldn't bear watching.
It was time to make preparations. My Dad had already planned for this. He was a planner all of his life. Why not in death. He had asked his two best friends to speak at his funeral. He knew. We picked out caskets, designed programs, wrote the obituary. Part of the meaningless, necessary part of death. All surreal. All so pointless it seems.
The day of the service came. I would have preferred to be anywhere but there. I hate hearing people look into a casket and say "He looks so good." Senseless. He is dead. He looks dead.
I am however blessed beyond measure. Dan's Aunt came from Colorado to support me. She is my rock. Countless people called, sent cards, came to the services. For all of those people, I am grateful beyond words. You held me up. You kept me strong. Thank you.
I am lucky to have my husband. Without his insight and love and patience, I would be lost. He is thoughtful, loving, amazing. My girls, although challenging at times such as these, sustain me. Give me reason to wake up everyday. Put life in perspective.
I will miss my Dad,but I know he is with me. He will always be with me. He will love me in death as he did in life. Unconditionally and without judgment.
I love you, dad.

Somebody Likes Karaoke

2008-12-27T11:43:00.002-07:00

You might want to be careful who you choose to sing karaoke with - I'm just sayin'.
http://www.sltrib.com/ci_11313962

Christmas Cheer

2008-12-21T21:04:00.001-07:00

Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTtYVXbdW08

These Girls

2008-12-16T22:53:00.003-07:00

Maddie: "Grandma, the dollar store is for using your imagination."

Grandma: "What does that mean Maddie?"

Maddie: "There are really no good toys there so you have to use your imagination."

Maryn: "Mom, Grandma bought me a snake, some farm animals, and a frog."

Me: "Sounds good Maryn."

Maryn: "Well Grandma bought them so there's not much you can do."

Winter Sings

2008-12-16T13:19:00.004-07:00

Today the girls had their Winter Sings program at school. I suppose it is called that because the world is all PC these days.
I am tellin' you, it was the cutest thing in the whole world. It was a surreal moment looking up at those two faces and remembering all of the prayers I said to get them. And, little do they know, it is those cute little faces that are their saving grace some days.
My parents were both able to attend as was Dan's dad. I feel so lucky to have such wonderful family to support me and to love my children. I couldn't help thinking how proud of them their Grandma Nancy would have been. Unfortunately, our Daddy had to go to Chicago today for work. Another thing I am so grateful for. A husband who works his butt off to ensure our kids have a Mommy who can stay home with them. Although lately they might be wishing I would get an "extra full-time, evening/day, get the hell out of my face", job.
I am starting to feel it... a little more.

P.S. Wouldn't I be a super mom if I took pictures of this event? Well I didn't. But, I have a video. You are welcome to come over anytime and see it.

Christmas Blessings

2008-12-16T13:01:00.002-07:00

My sister-in-law is involved with helping out disadvantaged families in some of the local school districts. When she heard we were looking for ways to teach our girls about the true spirit of Christmas, she suggested we sponsor one of her families.
We really wanted to find a family that had children approximately the same age as our kids. Our hope was that they would find joy in picking out presents for people they could relate to. So she provided us with a family of four that has two kids ages 3 and 5.
We talked to the girls about what we were going to do and explained to them that not everyone has the same opportunities we have. When the actual shopping day came, Dan and I sat down with them and told them that this was not "Maryn and Maddie day", but a day we got to help others. Despite that, I was a little concerned there was going to be some contention. I was so impressed when they didn't ask for a single thing the entire time we were at the store. It was amazing. I guess threatening them with a belt spanking really does help.
Last night we had the true joy of delivering the gifts to the family. It was so great to be able to see first hand the people we had the unique opportunity of helping. What a wonderful and gracious family we met.
My wish is that, in spite of these really scary financial times, we take a moment to be grateful for the abundance we have in our lives. Good health, friends,family (let's not forget holiday treats)and happiness. This is the real meaning of Christmas.

I'm Feelin' It - Kinda

2008-12-15T11:45:00.005-07:00

We took the girls to the Heber Creeper's Polar Express on Friday. If you have never had this experience,you really need to take your family.
The Heber Creeper is steeped in tradition for me. My parents used to take my brother and I to Heber for a weekend every summer. With my dad being in the construction business that was as far and as long as we could go for our summer vacation. We would stay at this hotel right on the main street of Heber (which,in spite of the fact that is was nice then, I am sure is a roach infested hell hole now)and swim all day everyday. With one small exception - the ride on the Heber Creeper. Oh how I loved that train.
So when I had my own kids, I could not wait for them to have the same experience. However, Dan was not as keen on the idea as I was. He saw it is an expensive frivolity. Whatever. Camping isn't all that sometimes either. So I decided to take the kids there without him. There are two rides you can take when you board the train. One is about a 45 minute ride and the other twice that - for those of you who struggle with math that is one and one half hours. Dan "suggested" that I take them on the shorter ride as he was "concerned" that I may have talked it up too much and they, in fact, may find it quite lame. Wrongo buster. They loved it and were so sad to see it end so soon. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Obviously when I heard about about the Polar Express last year I decided we had to take the girls. I must warn you, it is a pricey endeavor. In fact, I would advise you to start saving now. But the experience is priceless. You board the train to the North Pole and Santa's elves come around and ask what you want for Christmas. After which, you are served hot chocolate and cookies from Santa's other half. Mrs. Claus then makes her way through the train and passes out her cookie recipe as parents take advantage of their photo ops. Santa's helpers read the Polar Express story aloud and the entire train sings Christmas carols. Once you reach the North Pole (where you see Santa standing outside waving to all of the children) he boards the train to talk to all of the good girls and boys. And, let's be honest, what are you going to do? Tell Santa that your kids have been holy terrors for the last few weeks? More photo ops and the train arrives back at the station. And, look at that, I just saved you a whole bunch of money telling you all about it.
I haven't much been in the Christmas spirit this year. But when I see my kids experience that kind of joy and anticipation I can't help to feel it - at least a little.

One Word Tag

2008-12-08T11:58:00.002-07:00

TYPE ONLY 1 WORD: (Totally Impossible)
1. Where is your cell phone? Counter Top
2. Your significant other? Patient
3. Your hair? Messy
4. Your mother? Helpful
5. Your father? Ill
6. Your favorite thing? Family
7. Your dream last night? None
8. Your favorite drink? Iced Tea
9. Your dream/goal? Finishing School
10. The room you're in? Kitchen
11. Your fear? Something happening to my family (I know, more than one word.)
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. What you're not? Able to cope
15. Muffins? Delicious
16. One of your wish list items? To have all the money in the world to go on vacation.
17. Where you grew up? Utah
18. The last thing you did? Multi-tasked
19. What are you wearing? Jammies - Sorry Aimee
20. Your TV? OFF! Yahoo.
21. Your pet? PIA
22. Your computer? Time waster
23. Your Life? Lovely
24. Your mood? Uhhh - ask me another day
25. Missing someone? Yes
26. Your car? Necessity
27. Something you're not wearing? Bra!
28. Your favorite store? I don't like to shop
29. Your summer? Camping
30. Your favorite color? Green
31. When is the last time you laughed? This morning
32. Last time you cried? Yesterday
33. Four places you go often? Work, out to eat, Little Gym, to sleep.
34. Four of your favorite foods? Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate.
35. Four Places you would rather be right now? Connecticut, Colorado, Mexico, any beach.

I tag all my friends who blog - please send your responses back to me!!

A Few Classic Moments From Las Vegas Thus Far

2008-11-28T15:16:00.002-07:00

I think there is something wrong with a person who is blogging while on vacation but I had to share a couple of classic moments from our trip thus far.

First, while teaching an object lesson to Madelyn yesterday (in vain I might add - she wouldn't stop trying to go in the street to splash puddles) I related a story to Dan about something that happened when I picked them up from preschool Tuesday. There was a little boy getting in the car with his mom and, as all mothers have done, she pleaded with him to "stand like a statue" while the car (my car) backed up. I saw him and proceeded to back up. Just as I did so he decided to move. I heard his mom scream and immediately hit the brakes. As I told this to Dan I said "his mom screamed bloody murder." Immediately Madelyn looked up at me with her all too familiar "huh?" look and said, "His name was Bloody Murder?"

Today while swimming the girls were showing off all of their tricks. I kept trying to figure out what they were calling one particular move and then I realized - it was a "canyon-ball."

Out of the mouths of babes.

Recent Convo with my Hubby

2008-11-25T20:36:00.002-07:00

Me: Dan, will you still love me if I become a bigger pain in the ass?

Dan: Yes, but haven't you reached your peak yet?

Good to know there is room for growth. I am not even close to reaching my potential.

Turkey Lurkey

2008-11-24T21:26:00.004-07:00

Tell me what you are thankful for this year and share some fun holiday traditions. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Gratitude

2008-11-24T20:39:00.002-07:00

This post is a bit cliche, I know. It is Thanksgiving and I am posting about gratitude. But, hear me out.
Dan's aunt Cindy was diagnosed with breast cancer in October. After MANY different doctors' opinions, she decided to have a mastectomy. She found out a few days ago that she is officially cured. If you have read my other posts about Cindy, you will know what an extraordinary woman she is. I know it was her sense of humor and her amazing strength of character that got her through all of this. That is more than enough to be grateful for.
Unfortunately, my cousin that I lived with in Connecticut was also diagnosed with breast cancer about the same time. She will have to undergo chemotherapy treatments once a week for five months. They will start in December. Merry Christmas, right? But cancer didn't know who it was messing with when it decided to invade her body. She is a fighter and, if I may say so, a bit stubborn. But that is a good trait when it comes to cancer. I am grateful for her wonderful spirit and her positive attitude.
My parents are having their struggles as well. My dad was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver in July and has had his share of ups and downs. I am grateful he is feeling better and that he is home to spend time with my girls. My mom has had a hard time taking care of my dad. It has been a huge adjustment for her but I am grateful to her for doing it. She will be having surgery for cataracts in her eyes the first of the year. She is really good at holding it all together!
As much of a downer as this post may sound like, it is really to express my gratitude for all that is good in my life. I am so lucky to have the support of amazing friends and family. In spite of all that is going on in their own lives, they manage to be there for me. And Dan and the girls? What can I say? There is no greater blessing in my life and I thank God everyday for that.

Randon Kid Comments

2008-11-19T21:10:00.002-07:00

Well I have some really random items to add tonight. I am really so behind on my blogging. I still want to blog about my super-terrific fantastic trip to Connecticut this summer, my fun night with Aimee at Witches Night Out, and many other things. Oh yeah - my kids Halloween. What a mom! But, for tonight (who am I trying to kid, I am NEVER going to get caught up) I will share some funny things the girls have said.
At the girls' preschool they are given awards when they complete certain milestones in the classroom. One of these is earning your "alphabet crown." To earn the crown you must be able to recognize all of your lowercase letters and their sounds as well as know all of the vowels and the sounds they make. Maryn was the first to earn her alphabet crown and she was proud of herself to say the least. She is a bit of a competitive soul. Madelyn earned hers the following week, but by that time Maryn had earned her "blending badge." To earn a blending badge you must be able to blend two letter words together such as "ax" and "ul." She really squelched Madelyn's excitement when she announced that they were no longer twins because she was "way ahead of Maddie." Oh the competition in this house.
Yesterday, Madelyn was really pushing my buttons and was on the verge of a timeout about ten times. I had finally had enough and sent her to her room. Now I don't generally send my kids to their room because I don't want them to think of their room as a punishment. But at that point she was in danger of getting a spanking (something I never do) so I thought it best to send her out of sight. A few minutes later I can hear her talking in her room. I went to the door and this is what I heard. "I hate this castle." "I just want Prince Charming to come and take me away from this horrible castle." "There are so many rules in this castle." Can you even stand the DRAMA? She is only five. Seriously, WHAT.AM.I.GOING.TO.DO?????

P.S. Lest ye think he has one child smarter than the other, Dan wanted to mention that the reason Madelyn got her alphabet crown late was because she was sick. Apparently a very important fact.

Equal Rights

2008-11-11T20:26:00.002-07:00

I was so proud last Tuesday when we let down our prejudices and elected the first African American President. No matter what your political stance, it was an amazing time for our country.
While I reflected on this historic event, I thought back on all of the laws that seem so strange now. It wasn't until 1870 that African American men were guaranteed the right to vote. And it was a mere eighty-eight years ago that women were granted that same right. Can you believe in 1967 it was still illegal in thirteen states for couples of different races to marry? Seems a little ludicrous now, doesn't it?
Here we are in 2008. We have come so far. Or have we? On November 6, 2008 voters in California voted yes on Proposition 8, a measure that would amend the state constitution to restrict the definition of marriage to a union between a man and a woman.
I gotta' tell ya', I don't get it. Now I understand that not everyone is comfortable with this topic. Maybe you have never been fortunate enough to know someone who is homosexual. I have and here's a little secret - THEY.ARE.NORMAL. I mean whatever the definition of "normal" is.
In discussions with some of my friends, there has been concern about what would be taught to our children if this amendment were not passed. Listen, I am as concerned as the next parent. When Maryn and Madelyn ask were babies come from (oh mercy it has happened) we tell them that it takes a mommy and a daddy who love each other. I know that one day they are going to understand that is not necessarily the reality. Sometimes there isn't a mommy and a daddy. Sometimes it just takes a stiff drink and a little mood music! Really though there just aren't as many "traditional" families out there as there used to be. That is where we as parents come in. It is OUR responsibility to teach our children the values, morals, and principles that are important to us. They are going to hear so many things that we don't want them to but we have the amazing opportunity to teach them the things that we hold dear.
So what if they go to school and here that little Billy has two mommy's? Instead of propagating hatred and bigotry, could we use it as a learning experience? Just something to think about.
I feel so lucky to live in an era where so many things are possible. Where we can stand up and declare that we are more civilized than we were one hundred years ago. More than anything I long for my girls to live in a world were everyone is treated equally. Why can't it be so?
I will leave you with just one more thing to ponder: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnHyy8gkNEE

YES WE CAN!!!

2008-11-04T22:25:00.002-07:00

Change, America. God Bless Change.

The Apocalypse

2008-11-03T09:50:00.003-07:00

So Dan approached me yesterday and asked if I would be opposed to having him install solar panels on our roof and/or a windmill for extra energy. I think my response was something similar to "you can't be serious, right?" Who, in the middle of a suburbia puts those kinds of things on their house? I'll tell you who. People who think the end is near. Well, that would be the perception of our neighbors anyway.
Dan, of course, is just looking for another cost cutting measure. You know his mantra "take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves." I would like to thank his father for such words of wisdom.
So, although I am ever striving to be the supportive wife, I really don't want to be the laughing stock of the street.
Maybe I will get a menagerie of cats. I've always wanted to be the crazy cat lady.

For Your Consideration

2008-11-03T09:44:00.003-07:00

Dear Friends,
The Wasatch Woman's magazine is taking nominations for their "Woman of the Year" award. If you feel so inclined, would take the time to fill out the form to nominate me?
Just kidding. Who wins these awards anyway? I am pretty sure it is not someone who is spending their time blogging....

Beeautiful

2008-10-30T21:45:00.003-06:00

I just saw The Secret Life of Bees. An AMAZING movie. You need to see it. Guys, I know you might think this is a chick flick. But, I would suggest you take your lady to see it. Sometimes you get more back from a nice gesture than you would ever imagine....!
By the way, it really hurts when people don't comment on your blog entries. I'm just sayin'.

Fired Up - Not for the easily offended

2008-10-26T12:03:00.002-06:00

Before you read this I want to remind you that I started writing this blog for myself and my thoughts. This post might sound political and like I am attacking people's religious beliefs - and it may downright offend some of my closest friends. But, here goes....
What is irritating me right now is that life is not all black and white. There are some things that just do not fit into a perfect little box neatly tied with a satin bow. And there are a lot of these things. Abortion, same-sex marriage, birth control, and the list goes on and on.
My frustration is that I don't believe these things should be discussed at one's place of worship. I believe church is a place to get closer to God - to become a more Christlike person. Not a place to bash other people's decisions. And, let's be honest, you know where your particular church stands on the issues. Is that really the venue to tell people how to vote, what to think, etc.? Really, I am asking. I would love to know what you think. That is assuming of course that we are still friends at this point.
My fear is that we are going to start creating a rift between our fellow man. What about the parent who's daughter needed an abortion because her pregnancy was going to endanger her life? How about the couple who decided they are not ready for a family and they use birth control? And the parents who child is homosexual but they love him/her anyway? Are these people evil and wrong and sure to meet hell, fire and damnation because they see something in a little different light than their church does?
I like to think God is a little more loving than that.
Dan is currently pulling me off of my soapbox....

Deep Thoughts by Madelyn Sadler

2008-10-24T10:43:00.003-06:00

Me: "Thanks for helping fold the laundry Madelyn."

Maddie: "You are welcome, mom."

Me: "You don't have to fold all of those things though."

Madelyn: "Mom, I am your daughter, you are my mom." "I care."

Man she is cute.

Proof Positive

2008-10-22T09:29:00.007-06:00

I wanted to add these photos so I would remember that my girls really do love each other. There are days....

Clothes Shopping

2008-10-20T11:25:00.004-06:00

My friend Aimee has been asking me to update my wardrobe for a while now. Now I don't think she meant it in a rude way, she just doesn't want me to look like a 50-year old mother of twins, no style, loser face. Really though, I am sure she is sick of hearing me complain about how I have no cute clothes.
So, much to my chagrin, I conceded and we went on Saturday. I really wanted to spend time with Aimee, but I would have rather gone to a movie or dinner or something OTHER. THAN. GOING. SHOPPING.
So, we went off to Macy's. I seriously did not think there was ANY WAY I was going to find anything I liked let alone anything that fit me. But that Aimee is gooood. Remember how I told you she was totally bossy - oops, I mean persuasive? Well once again that rang true. She was picking out all of these clothes for me and I was thinking "Uh, I won't be wearing that in this lifetime or any other." But she rocks. I loved almost everything I tried on and, even though I am not a fan of how I look at this juncture, I felt pretty comfortable....even kinda cute and hip! The best part? It was ALL on sale. When I got home I looked at the original price and I probably got about $450.00 worth of clothes for $211.00.
So Aimsters, just wanted to thank you for all of your help. Oh, and your honesty. This is one girl you want to go shopping with. She will tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Gotta' love that!

Tag-O-Rama

2008-10-18T14:09:00.003-06:00

I saw this tag on someone else's blog and I thought it was pretty fun. See what you think!

1- Where were you when you first found out you were pregnant? In the bathroom.

2-Who was with you? Dan.

3-How did you find out that you were pregnant? Took a urine test.

4- What was your first reaction to finding out you were pregnant? We were shocked. We had done IVF and it seemed like a miracle.

5-Who was the first person you told? I yelled out the window "I AM PREGNANT!"

6-Did you plan to get pregnant? Yes.

7-Was everybody happy for you? Yes, everyone was praying for this baby.

8-Did you want to find out the sex? Of course! Not really wanting to be surprised with the whole twin thing.

9 What was the sex? Two sweet girls.
10-Did anyone throw you a baby shower? Who? Yes. My friend and my sis-in-law.

11-Did you get any outfits at the baby shower that you just knew you weren't going to put on your baby? No, I liked all of them

12-How much weight did you gain? I really don't remember.

13-Did you lose all of the weight that you gained? Like I am going to say...

14-Did you get a lot of stretch marks? No
15- What did you crave the most? Anything weird? I craved meat which was weird because I am not much of a meat eater. I also ate ALOT of Cinnamon gum to get rid of the constant throw-up taste in my mouth. Sorry.

16-Who or what got on your nerves the most? I don't want to sound rude.

17-Did you have any complications during your pregnancy? I went into preterm labor at 24 weeks. Then, I gave birth at 33 weeks.

18- Where were you when you went into labor? Home.
19- Did your water break? Yes, at the hospital by the nurses.

20- Who drove you to the hospital? Dan. Recklessly.

21- Did you go early or late? Early.

22- Who was in the room with you when you gave birth? Dan and alot of docs and nurses.

23- Was it videotaped? No sir!

24- Did you have any drugs for the pain? Yes, but I didn't want to. I really wanted to go natural but my dr. suggested an epidural for twins.

25- What was your first reaction after giving birth? I was scared. They had to go straight to the NICU. I just wanted to hold them like a normal mommy got to.
26- How big was the baby? Both 4 lbs 5 oz

27- Did your husband cry? I think he got a little teary eyed. Not much of a crier.

28- What did you name the baby? Maryn Elizabeth and Madelyn Marie.

29- Did the baby have any complications? They were just little. Needed to learn to suck and stay warm.
30- How old is your baby today? They turned 5 years old on September 16th.
31- When is the next one coming? Um, never....
32-If you could, would you do it all over again? Absolutely!

I tag all of my blogging friends.

Wee Witches Weekend

2008-10-18T09:40:00.005-06:00

One of my favorite places to go for Halloween is Gardner Village. Not only do they have their whimsical witch display, but they have great activities for kids and adults.
Yesterday t he girls, my mom and I went to a tea party at the Protea Cottage in the Village. When I first looked into this, I was a little hesitant because it was pretty pricey. But let me tell you, it was worth every penny. We dressed in our Halloween attire (this is the first year since high school that I have dressed up for Halloween) and arrived to find a beautiful, cozy tea parlor. The table was set with small tea cups for the girls and fishy crackers for them to eat. They were able to choose from hot chocolate, hot apple cider or lemonade to drink. The adults had the same choices as well as many different teas to choose from. I had pumpkin spice tea and it was delicious.
They then brough out a tea tray with SO.MUCH. FOOD I could not believe my eyes. Little finger sandwiches, hot scones, desserts galore - even chocolate covered strawberries...HELLO.
The hostess of the party told the children that she was giving out a prize for the guest with the best tea manners. She told them to sit up straight, use their napkins, say please and thank you, chew with their mouths closed. Ya' know, all the things you tell them to do at home that they don't respond to because there is no prize involved! She also told them she would be giving out prizes for the best costumes. They were careful (and smart) to make sure every child received a prize for their costume. It was such a great time. I want to get all of my friends together for an adult tea party. I felt like I was in 18th century England!
We got to watch the costume parade after that. This may stun and shock you, but Madelyn participated and Maryn didn't. Oh well, she enjoyed watching.
Out final event of the day was to ride the tractor drawn wagon with one of the funny Gardner Village witches. We have done this before with the same witch and she is hilarious!
The only regret was that I was at my wits end and my kids were at their breaking point so we weren't able to join our friends Dawn and Christopher for their Halloween party. Hopefully they will still invite us back next year.
I. LOVE. HALLOWEEN!!!!!

Rocky Mountain High

2008-10-16T21:18:00.002-06:00

The girls and I had the opportunity to visit Dan's Aunt Cindy while he took a little time away with his Dad and brothers. Ah. Male bonding. So beautiful. Alas, I digress.
Cindy lives in Boulder Colorado. If you have never had the chance to visit, you really should. It is a beautiful place. And the best part? ANYTHING goes. Want to wear dreads? Go ahead. Want to play the piano and invite others for a sing along? Feel free. Feel like a little gelato? They got it.
All of this fun can be found on Pearl Street. The Pearl Street Mall is a charming four block long pedestrian mall. There are art galleries, restaurants, jewelry stores, sporting good stores - just about anything you can imagine can be found at the mall. My favorite part? They had some amazing Yoga stores. I was able to get some great music and books to share with my classes back home.
The highlight of the trip wasn't shopping though. It was getting to spend time with Cindy and her boys Nick and Zach. Cindy is one of my most favorite people in all of the world. You know those people who can keep their cool in the most volatile of situations? Cindy is the queen of calm. Need some advice on what the heck to do with your kids? Give her a call - she's a psychologist so she really knows what she is talking about! If I ever need someone to talk to about how much I miss my sweet mother-in-law, Cindy is the one. She always has a fun story to share about the two of them growing up that can put a smile on my face.
One of the things I love most about Cindy is that she genuinely, truly loves my girls. She gets right down on the floor and plays with them. Barbies, horses, dolls. Whatever they want to do she is right there with them. I love that she is independent, educated, strong and a wonderful role model. Of course the fact that she is a connection to the girls Italian roots is also a bonus!
Nick and Zach are so good with Maryn and Maddie and they had a blast playing with them. I would like to thank them for giving me a little time to have an adult conversation with Cindy! I must say though that next time I visit, Cindy and I are going on a retreat complete with massages, manicures, pedicures and facials. Oh, and big, strong men feeding us chocolate. I haven't talked with her about this but I am sure she will concur!
Thanks Cindy, Nick, Zach (and her husband Dan - even though I didn't get to see him much) for opening up your home and allowing us to share your lives with you.

Friends To The End

2008-10-16T20:14:00.004-06:00

I got to go with my amazing friend Emily and her kids Isaac, Davis and baby Abby to the "This Is The Place" monument today. They had a fun Halloween activity that included crafts, trick-or-treating, a puppet show, and various and sundry other activities. The kids had a good time - with the exception of Maryn. Unfortunately, they had a train at said activity and that made her uneasy to say the least. I know, sounds kooky. But, there was an "incident" with her and my parents on the way home from the circus on Trax that caused her to be TERRORIZED by trains. To an adult it was really no biggie. But to a kid with, shall we say, heightened anxiety levels it was more than a big whoop. Apparently my Dad and Madelyn almost missed the train. As levelheaded adults we know that they can just catch the next train and all will be right with the world. But in Maryn's mind the world was actually coming to an end.
I know it may sound as if I am being a horrible mother and mocking my child's fears. And, maybe I am. But I am tellin' ya' it is the only way I am going to make it through. I am pretty sure I need to be on anti-anxiety medication to control my anxiety about Maryn's anxiety. Do you follow??
Nonetheless we tried to make the most of our time together and after a while she did calm down a bit. I made her ride the train (you can nominate me for mother of the year) because I believe you've gotta' get back on that horse, tackle your fears and make all the other parents stare at you because you are traumatizing your child. I am sure she will thank me someday.
I would however like to end this entry on a positive note. My dear friend Emily will celebrate her birthday in a week. In light of that, I would like to list the top 10 reasons why I love her to pieces.

She is the most unselfish person you will ever meet. She is always doing things for others and truly expects nothing in return.
We can drive to St. George and back, ride an airplane all the way to New York City, and spend more time than we are supposed to at dinner and NEVER run out of things to talk about.
She makes me want to be a better mom. She always puts her kids first and she is so patient with them. She even tried to alleviate Maryn's stress today. Not an easy task!
She constantly tries to improve herself. No matter what obstacles she might encounter, she still works on being the best she can be.
She believed in me enough to give me my first aerobics teaching job even though I was probably not that great!
The girl is so stinkin' creative. Actually, that should be on the list labeled "Top Ten Things That Make Me Jealous of Emily."
She is a very spiritual person but never pushes her religion on anyone. She is always accepting of others beliefs.
I know that Emily will always tell me the truth. Don't get me wrong, she isn't at all rude, but I know I can count on her for an honest opinion.
Emily's brother recently went through a divorce. Even though she had just given birth to her 3rd child, she took care of her 5 nieces and nephews while her brother got settled in. That is more than amazing.
She accepts me for who I am. I can always be myself around her. And that means sweat pants, ugly t-shirts and eating chocolate immediately after a humongous meal!

Love Ya' Em!

Happy Bosses Day

2008-10-16T20:11:00.002-06:00

You may be asking "Why would Tiffany know that it was bosses day?" Well, let me tell you why. My darling (I am saying that through gritted teeth) husband wished the girls and I a very happy bosses day today. I am not sure exactly what he was insinuating, but I don't think it was good.
Oh how I longingly remember the days when he was shy....

Be Aware

2008-10-13T13:15:00.002-06:00

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
I have to be totally honest and tell you that I have not really thought much about this awareness campaign before. I have completed a couple of 5K events that benefited the Susan G.Komen Foundation, but it was mostly a way for me to work towards my own selfish fitness goals.
I am also not one to be very prudent in the ways of "self care" if you catch my drift. I, like many others, think it can't happen to me.
But my entire perspective on this disease has changed in the last couple of weeks. Two very important people in my life were diagnosed with breast cancer this month. It seems surreal when someone tells you this is happening to them. Again, you don't think it will ever hit that close to home.
So I am challenging all of you to do what I am going to do. First, become more aware of your body so you can see any changes you might experience. Second, find some time to donate whatever resources you have (monetary or otherwise) to fight this horrible disease.
You can visit the National Breast Cancer Awareness Month website for further information.

Yowza!

2008-10-13T08:27:00.003-06:00

So Friday night I had the amazing fortune to attend the Kelly Clarkson/Reba McEntire concert. My good friend Katy called me a few months ago to tell me she had an extra ticket and invited me to go. It was MORE than amazing. We were on the ninth row - yes, the NINTH row. I have never been so close to the stage for a concert before. We could see everything. I think I might have seen a zit on Kelly's face. Seriously, we were close....
In the past when I have gone to a concert, there have been at least a few songs I didn't necessarily care for. Not the case with this one. I loved every song. And, the energy they had on stage was fabulous. Really, I can't say enough good things and no words can really describe how great it was.
To open the concert "Barbara Jean" (Melissa Peterman) from the Reba show did a comic routine. She was hilarious. She also "popped in" during the concert which was extremely amusing as well. OH.MY. GOSH. Can you tell I had fun?
Katy and I also ate a delicious meal at her friends restaurant - Caffe Molise. It is a beautiful little cafe where you dine surrounded by art from local Utahns. And the food is saporito!
By the way, I tried to give Katy's number to this cute guy on Trax but just as I was about to go up to him I realized he had a ring on. GRRRRR. He would have been perfect - I just know it.
Thanks, Katy for such a super night!!

P.S. Katy is going to try and send me her awesome photos so I will post them as soon as I can. Stay tuned.... And, if you are wondering if you can bring your camera into a concert, you can. Wish I would have known that.
http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=126bd5b1ac&view=att&th=11d0e5d95660d317&attid=0.1&disp=attd&zw
http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=126bd5b1ac&view=att&th=11d0e5d95660d317&attid=0.2&disp=inline&zw
http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=126bd5b1ac&view=att&th=11d0e5d95660d317&attid=0.3&disp=inline&zw

My First Tag

2008-10-09T21:34:00.002-06:00

Quirky Quirks

I am a total germaphobe. I carry a bottle of antibacterial soap on my keychain, open doors with my sleeves, and I hate it when you go to a restaurant and they give you a new plate that is wet. There has to be other people's whatevers on that thing.
I have an uncanny ability to remember customers account numbers (and the members name that accompanied the number) from my teller job at Cyprus Credit Union - approximately 15 years ago. Too bad I can't remember anything that would really serve me in life.
I wear underwear for 2 weeks before I wash them. PSYCHE.
I have to stack the mail from smallest to largest when I bring it in from the mailbox. It just looks so much neater that way.
I still have the blanket (aka "Blanko") that I came home from the hospital in. Don't be a hater. Incidentally, a piece of it is sewn into my wedding dress. Something old....
I spend entirely way too much time blogging and emailing.

I tag each any every one of you that reads my blog.

Amazing Amanda and Talented Terri

2008-10-08T15:21:00.001-06:00

A big shout out, kudos and all around THANK YOU to my sweet and talented neighbor Amanda for designing a new fall layout for my blog. She seriously rocks. She should really start charging me. Wait. Maybe I will suggest that after I see if she will update it again at Christmastime!!
We FINALLY got a family photo taken - much to my chagrin but to others relief. You know how I love pictures of myself. Our photographer was Terri Suitter and see is fantastic. I met her many years ago and I have used her services several times. She did my hair and make-up for my wedding, took some headshots for an audition, and made Dan and Maryn happy while taking pictures for more than an hour. She also takes so much time to edit the photos to make sure you are happy with the final product. Not to mention she is gorgeous, never ages and is super fun to be around. I know I should hate her but I don't. If you would like her contact information, I would be happy to give it to you. I promise you won't regret it.
My I am lucky to know such fabulous people!

Tricks and Treats

2008-10-07T09:29:00.004-06:00

If you know me, you know that Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday. It even trumps Christmas. I am trying to create some lasting traditions for my girls. We have done some really fun things in the last couple of years that I hope to continue and, I am trying some new things this year that we may add to our Halloween "repertoire."
I am wondering what some of your families Halloween traditions are. Any fun places you go? Something you always do on Halloween Eve? Share some of your thoughts with me.

RANDOM!!

2008-10-07T09:27:00.002-06:00

So this could be the most trivial and random question in the world, but humor me. Do you keep your toaster on the counter top or do you put it away when you are not using it? C'mon, I gotta' know.

Super Duper Night

2008-09-27T20:00:00.002-06:00

I had the chance to go out with my riot of a friend Aimee last night. The aforementioned friend is also the one who convinced me it was cool to get a tattoo the size of a small country on my foot. Now I don't want to blame her for me being a lemming, but she is very convincing.
She had the fun idea to go to the "sing along" version of Mamma Mia. Although I felt like it might be a little out of my comfort zone (no, I am serious - I don't generally sing in front of just anyone) I knew it would make for a fun night.
Turned out there were maybe ten other extremely stuffy people in the theater with us. Nobody sang. Nobody. Well, except me and Aim. We were subdued at first and then I think we both let our inhibitions go and we had a blast. That is until Meryl Streep's character began to sing a song to her daughter who was about to get married. If you have seen the movie you know the exact scene I am speaking about. I had seen the movie before so I knew it was coming. Which was good because I was able to hold my emotions in check. O.K. That is a giant lie. So I looked at her and she looked at me and we both started to cry. Sorta put a damper on the fun for a minute. But, luckily, we are survivors and we were able to pick up the pieces and move on. And move we did. Well Aimee did. And I mean MOVE. First she serenaded me with her cell phone. Then she proceeded to get up in front of the movie screen (don't worry Eric everyone else had left!) and do the worm. I was sure I was going to pee my pants. People complimented her on her singing. Maybe a good career move??
After the movie we went to The Dodo for dinner. If you have never been there you must go. Totally my favorite restaurant in the land. Aimee suggested (again the girl is persuasive) that we order hummus as an appetizer. Chickpeas? Seriously? But I conceded and guess what? It was really good. See what can happen when you get out of your box for a minute? Dan was impressed at the influence she had on me that enabled me to try something new. Funny, he wasn't impressed with her same influence about the tattoo.... Nobody to blame but myself for that thing. It was the vodka talking. Not really people.
Aim and I had some good heart to hearts last night and I was, in the words of Maryn, a "boo-hoo baby." Aimee if you are reading this I want to thank you for listening to me and caring about what I had to say. And for trying to work with me to figure out some sort of resolution. It really meant a lot. I am glad we are friends.

Things That Make Ya' Go Hmmmm....

2008-09-23T21:57:00.001-06:00

Why can't I look like Carrie Underwood? Or sing like her. Do you think that she is 2 months behind in her blogging? Life just is not fair.

All The Luck

2008-09-20T18:22:00.002-06:00

I am just taking a break from finishing up last minute "Super SpongeBob Ultimate 5 year old birthday party" plans and realizing how lucky I am.
I have blogged before about my awesome husband but I feel the need to do it again. He probably won't read it, but I figure it will serve as a nice bargaining tool when I really want something. "Look honey at all of the nice things I said about you on my blog." "Don't you think we should take a trip to the Caribbean?" "Maybe get us a new couch?"
Really though. While I am tidying up the house, he is running all over the land to pick up food, balloons, and other "what nots." He took the girls to get fish for their new tank today while I went gallivanting off with my friend (my father-in-law used that word once when he described my "escapades" with my friends - he quickly realized the error of his ways and apologized). Just two nights ago I went with another friend to dinner. There was no guilt trip, no "When are you going to be home?" just a wish of "Have fun." He is so loving and supporting, and when he realizes something is important to me, he tries very hard to make it work.
Since he has been working from home, he has been a GIANT help with getting the girls ready for school. While I curl hair, he makes sure they get something to eat and their faces get washed. Then he drives them to school with me. I can't believe this is my life. Sometimes I feel guilty for having it so good. I mean, how many people get to have their husbands drive their kids to school with them? I am constantly telling the girls that most kids don't have a daddy to drive them to school. We are very fortunate.
There are many other things I could say, but I know some of my friends are ready to spew forth vomit and never talk to me again.

Keeping It Real

2008-09-17T21:25:00.010-06:00

I stole this from my friend's blog. I know, I should get my own posts....
A REAL MOM
A real mom uses baby wipes to clean more than dirty bottoms.
A real mom uses her shirt sleeves as napkins and Kleenex.
A real mom allows others to see that she doesn't 'have it all together.'
A real mom picks her kids' noses.
A real mom puts dirty socks on her kids when the clean ones run out.
A real mom has moments when she wishes she wasn't a mom.
A real mom goes potty with an audience.
A real mom sometimes wears makeup, and when she does, her kids say, 'Wow! Mom, you look different!'
A real mom counts chasing a toddler around the house as exercise.
A real mom thinks that occasionally the television makes a wonderful babysitter!
A real mom sometimes feeds her kids cookies for breakfast.
A real mom makes mistakes on a daily basis but keeps on chugging along, trying to get better.
A real mom feeds her children lollipops (or just about anything) so she can complete a phone conversation.
A real mom realizes that she learns as much from her children as her children learn from her.
A real mom knows that childhood passes so quickly- but not quick enough some days.
A real mom needs other real moms.

Honor Thyself

2008-09-17T21:25:00.008-06:00

I have the best job in all of the world. I get to help people not only reach their fitness goals but, because I teach Yoga, I also get to help them discover themselves. Well, that is my goal anyway.
I always have these words of wisdom for my class about honoring themselves and being content with where they are in their Yoga practice, in their life, etc. I ask them not to judge themselves against others, but rather to measure their progress within. I tell them that our classroom is their "safe-haven" where they can escape from the negativity that saturates us at times. And then I get in my car.
I find myself getting angry at the stupid car in front of me, stressing out about the fact that I am likely going to be late to my next class. Hating my hair, my body, stress.
Why can we not be as kind to ourselves as we are to the stranger on the street? Why can't we accept ourselves for what we are and where we are in life? What makes us yearn so much for MORE? Why can't we love ourselves?

It is rewarding to find someone whom you like, but it is essential to like yourself.

It is quickening to recognize someone as a good and decent human being, but it is more important to view yourself as acceptable.

It is a delight to discover people who are worthy of respect, admiration, and love, but it is vital to believe yourself deserving of these things.

You can't live in someone else. You cannot find yourself in someone else. You can't be given a life by someone else. Of all of the people you know in a lifetime you are the only one you will never leave or lose.

To the question of your life, you are the only answer.

To the problems of your life, you are the only solution.

Enough

2008-09-17T21:25:00.002-06:00

I have to admit that I stole this from a friend of mine's blog. It was so beautiful to me and I wanted to pass it on.

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. The airline had just announced the departure flight.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, “I love you, and I wish you enough.”

The daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.”

They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?”

“Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking, but why is this good-bye forever?”

“I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is…the next trip back will be for my funeral,” she said.

“When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?”

She began to smile. “That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and her smile grew. “When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.” Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory,

“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear….

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more….

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting….

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger…..

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting….

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess….

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye….”

She then began to cry and walked away.

Seasons of Change

2008-09-15T22:23:00.003-06:00

Change make me reminisce. It can even evoke feelings of melancholy at times. So as I sit on the eve of my girls' 5th birthday to purge my thoughts, I am caught up in memories. Some of them so beautiful and others extremely painful.
In place of a birthday "party" at their preschool, they have a Spotlight Day. This consists of the children telling their classmates about their favorite animal, favorite story, etc. They also requested that the girls' bring a picture of themselves when they were little. This is were the emotions began. I started searching my "someday I will be creative and scrapbook these" bin and found things I hadn't seen in 5 years.
The first thing I came across were the plethora of ultrasounds that were done during the course of my pregnancy. From small embryotic pictures, to the day we found out we were having twins - and girls at that! I could not believe these were pictures of my miracles. I also found cards from my dear friends and family sending thoughts and concern for Dan and I that we were having such a hard time conceiving. How those words touched and comforted us during those difficult times.
Next were the cards from showers and congratulations on the arrival of the girls. Some of the cards evoked a response in me that I did not expect. See, I guess I have put up a wall in regards to some of these relationships. There were some very special words written by some people in my life that meant the world to me at the time and, if I were to be honest with myself, still do. How I long for some of these connections to be whole again.
Another letter from my Mom and Dad told of the pride they had in Dan and I for sacrificing so much to be good parents. We tried hard then and continue to try and make them proud of us and the way we are raising these girls. Dan's mom also wrote us a touching note about the excitement of having two new grand babies. How I wish she could be here to share in all of this with us. I pray that she would be pleased with how we are living our lives and rearing our girls.
I found funny pictures of them when they went through their "awkward" balding, baby acne phase. Another photo of Maddie with her cute painted toenails curled under as she sat on a chair with her huge, charming smile. And, my little Rinny Roo smiling with all the mischief she could muster -and those dark beautiful eyes.
I can't believe my babies are 5 years old. So much in my life has evolved in those years. And, through it all, the love of these precious gifts has changed me for the better.

We Will Not Forget

2008-09-11T09:30:00.002-06:00

I found this poem and it really spoke to my heart. No matter what you think about politics, we can all agree that the world needs some changing. We need to start now.

Planes crashing into buildings
in pictures from a disaster film
before our actual eyes
On the small screen filling our homes
with scenes of terror so horrifying
they must be simulated
Unable to comprehend
how anyone willingly could commit
these brutal acts of terror
Yet these images of harsh reality
become etched into our memory
As we watch the destruction
of a way of life
The laughter of my young daughter
pulls me from the barrage of images
and back into the reality of our day
Too young to know what has happened
yet sensing the anxiety in the air
Focusing on the exploration of her world
with a simple request of "Out"
Her small hand placed trustingly in mine
to guide her on way
A little voice of hope for the future
A nation, a world in tears
united in grief and loss
A tragedy so large
the loss so pervasive
the depth of emotions so great
no words can truly convey the mood
The sacrifice of so many lives
from so many countries
As we struggle to make some sense of the senseless
and look to answer the question
"Why?"
Yet many others saved
by acts of kindness from strangers
and in the mission thwarted
by last heroic acts of sacrifice and bravery
The eagle like the mighty phoenix
emerges from the ashes
bruised, but not beaten
stronger than ever
Out of the rubble of destruction
Seeds of hope
Stories of courage
Heroes emerge
Our country unites
To learn and to change
so that it never happens again
To keep the memories of the events and the people alive
but to also keep living
If not for ourselves
for our way of life
for our freedom
for our children

Whadda Ya Do?

2008-09-01T17:50:00.003-06:00

I got a question. Let's say (hypothetically) you have some really super bratty kids that live in your neighborhood. Even those these (hypothetical) children are older, your kids still want to play with them. Almost a big kid "hero worship" if you will. However, these (hypothetical) kids are total brats to your kids and hurt their feelings. You have always wanted to be the parent who taught their kids to fight their own battles but you are starting to get awfully irritated. Do you be a helicopter parent and say things like (in voices loud enough for the brats to hear) "Don't worry about it, Madelyn, they just can't play on our swing set next time," or do you just let your kids deal with these little terrors on their own? Or better yet, do you grab these little darlings by the collar and tell them that they better be nice because "someone" is watching.....? Not that I would ever do that.
By the way, if you live in my neighborhood and you read this blog, I will deny any of this.... And, I am not talking about your kid.

Fun Stuff

2008-08-27T22:52:00.002-06:00

I found this stuff on another website and I am sure there is some licensing issue that is going to put me right in jail. If so, please come bail me out.
Share some memories with me.

What was your first experience as a Mom?
What was the best "Mom" advice you received?
What are some things you learned from your own Mom?
Why do you love being a Mom?
What are some things you never did before you became a Mom?

The Passage of Time

2008-08-27T22:08:00.002-06:00

The girls had their first day of preschool on Tuesday. They did an amazing job. I was so worried that tears were going to be shed -mostly by me. And, they were (by me) but I was able to hold it together until they were out of sight. I had to.
I guess because my girls have embarked on this new milestone in their lives, I have been thinking about how fast time really does go by. I can remember wanting a baby so much, thinking I was a failure as a woman and a wife because I couldn't get pregnant. Every time the phone rang it was one of my friends telling me that she was pregnant. It wasn't that I didn't feel excitement for them, but it was difficult to hear.
I remember sitting in that fertility clinic and hearing that something could be done for us. I can recall the exact moment in time when I found out I was pregnant and the sudden joy and fear that filled my heart. So happy that I was pregnant and so worried that everything would be O.K. How could I have known this was only the beginning of the worry? It was while walking through Home Depot that I got a call telling me the blood work showed I was likely having twins. It was a amazing moment when I got to share that news with Dan. Then came the ultrasounds, the appointments, etc. All leading up to the day my precious babies were born.
Oh the nights I wished for sleep. Just for a minute without disruption. What I would pay for those moments now. Having those sweet girls, their soft breath on my neck snuggling close on my chest. Whenever I see new parents I want to tell them not to wish away those difficult moments. But, I know it wouldn't help. People said the same things to me. That is a lesson that must be lived the hard way.
So it is almost 5 years later and, despite learning a lot of things, I have so far to go. I know my job as a mother is to raise capable, courteous, loving members of society. But it sure feels wrong to let them go. Oh how I wish I could put them in a bubble and protect them from the hard and harsh world, but would that be fair to them? They deserve a life where they can learn their own lessons and make their own mistakes. I wish they didn't have to. I wish they would always listen to me and Dan. But they won't. And, truth be told, we may not hold all of the answers. My goal as their mom is to continue to do the best I can. I hope I can always be a soft place to land. But, more than anything else, I want them to know that I will love them no matter what until the end of time.

Go ForThe Gold

2008-08-18T21:00:00.001-06:00

I didn't know trampolining was an Olympic event. If only I would have got the wind knocked out of me a few more times on the neighbor's tramp, I could have won a gold medal. Maybe we will buy our kids one.....

How Sweet It Is

2008-08-06T18:24:00.003-06:00

Monday night Dan and I went to the James Taylor concert at USANA Amphitheater. If you have no idea who James Taylor is, I am sincerely frightened that you are reading my blog.
At any rate, I am not a big concert goer (read approximately 15 years since I have been to one), and the ones I can recall are Sawyer Brown, Celine Deon with Michael Bolton (sahweet) and the B52's. So you can see it has been a while and, hopefully, my taste has improved! Wait, Neil Diamond has been intermixed in there a few times and that my friend is a great concert. Can I be completely random (why yes you can this is your blog) and say that I find Neil to be very sexy? Yeah, sick I know.
So back to James. It was a great concert. He sang tons of my favorites as well as some songs I had never heard before. Sorry Aimee - I am not the music afficianado that you are so you are probably disgusted that I attended a concert when I didn't even know ALL of the songs the artist sings. James (yes we ARE on a first name basis) is quite funny. A very dry sense of humor. I liked it.
We are cheap so instead of springing for the expensive seats, we opted for lawn seating. It was really quite nice. We spread out a blanket, listened to the music, watched strange people and totally made out. O.K., I am kidding about the last part. But it was romantic. It is always nice to be able to spend time alone with Dan. It is so rare for us and I think it is such an integral part of a relationship. Ah, fer swell. I really enjoyed it and...SSSHHHHH.... don't tell Dan I am telling you this, he even got his groove on. That's right. You should have seen his moves.
By the way, I have added one of the songs James sang at the concert to my playlist. It was one I have never heard before and it was touching. It is called Shed A Little Light.
Below is the first verse of the song. I don't want to get all political on you and I don't even care who you vote for. But this is an interesting time in the history of our county. For some reason this song speaks to me and makes me realize what a profound impact the decisions being made now are going to have on my girls. Now didn't that entry go off in a completely different direction??

Let us turn our thoughts today
To Martin Luther King
And recognize that there are ties between us
All men and women
Living on the earth
Ties of hope and love
Sister and brotherhood
That we are bound together
In our desire to see the world become
A place in which our children
Can grow free and strong
We are bound together
By the task that stands before us
And the road that lies ahead
We are bound and we are bound

Words To Live By

2008-08-04T10:02:00.002-06:00

A friend of mine had this posted in her blog and it rings true no matter who you are. Enjoy.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the beer.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends,your favorite passions-- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised their hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers.

My Top Ten List

2008-08-02T09:48:00.002-06:00

Below is my list of the top ten words or phrases (in no particular order) that make me cringe. Some of them make me sound like a bad mom. But, be honest. You know you have thought the same thing...

"We need to work on the laundry this weekend."
"Your cell phone bill came." "There are X number of dollars in text messages." I really need to get a plan that includes texting.
"Mom," I am going to be a dog/cat/elephant/bird/etc./etc/etc. "What should my name be?"
"I'm bored." This is a new one - I just love it. My mom used to give us chores when we said that. Not a bad idea.....
"We need to get packed." I realize I should be happy we get to go on vacation, but I hate to pack.
"What do you want to do?" This is a phrase that can be used for many different things. Suffice it to say that there are generally no good things to come out of it.
"Mom, can you make my chocolate milk?" This wouldn't bug me so much but it is always proceeded with "Can you sit on the couch with me?" And, when I do, I have to immediately get up and make chocolate milk. I am starting to sound lazy......
"Mommy????"
"Can you wipe my bum?" Maryn seriously needs to wipe her own butt.
"If we buy/do that, what are we going to give up." We are going to give up NOTHING. NOTHING. DO YOU HEAR ME???????

Honesty - The Best Policy

2008-07-23T20:34:00.004-06:00

You might think I am lazy after this post. That's O.K. I have this girlie come in and clean for me approximately every 8 weeks for about 4 hours each time. She does an O.K. job (not entirely to my satisfaction) and I feel comfortable leaving her alone in my house. However.... I have had a sneaking suspicion that she has not always been completely forthright in recording the time she takes to clean. I generally leave her a check for the amount of time we have decided upon and I assume (my fault) that she is being honest. So today I decided to use my Sherlock Holmes skills and I asked my neighbor to watch what time she left. That little hussy left an hour and a half early! I passively/aggressively emailed her to ask if everything was O.K. "because my mom stopped by at about 3:45 and you weren't here." I can be a liar too. She said she had to "run a quick errand but she came right back." Here is what I need from you. Do I trust her again or just clean my own damn house?? People. Irritate. Me.

Utah Lake

2008-07-22T21:49:00.008-06:00

Not much to blog about here. Just wanted to add some cute pictures from a fun boating trip to Utah Lake. Know what's better than having a boat? Knowing someone who has a boat. Thanks Uncle Bri!

OH-CD

2008-07-21T09:20:00.007-06:00

Perhaps this is normal. Maybe an overreaction on my part? But, wow. Have you ever seen such a fine display of OCD in your life? If you know my family at all, you know who did this. If you don't, let me introduce you to Maryn Sadler.
How the girl loves to organize. Not only does she do so according to species, but she must also make sure there is a family grouping. Moms, Dads, sisters, cousins. She can go a little ballistic when she can't have everything just the right way. "Ballistic?" you say. C'mon over and take one of those dinosaurs away...
I truly don't have any idea where this insanity comes from. Just because I like the mail to be stored from smallest to biggest, all of my clothes color coded, and nothing on my countertops does not mean that this is a hereditary trait. No. I am sure she developed this in utero.
This is a problem people. Do you know that insanity that I put my parents through? Well, let me tell you. First let's discuss the dreaded school supply shopping. I had to get the folders from the very bottom of the pile because I could NOT stand them to be wrinkled. When it came time to do my math homework (which required my dad to read my math book in it's entirety - OH.MY.HELL. A post all it's own.) I could not handle any eraser marks. It wasn't enough for me to complete the assignment and then rewrite it. I had to redo it every time I erased something. Yeah. I had many a late night doing math at the elementary level.
I wonder why my parents keep laughing and muttering something under their breath about paybacks....?

You WHAT?

2008-07-19T16:11:00.003-06:00

I thought I would start this blog in this way because that is the response I have received from everyone I have told the following news to.....I just got inked!! That's right. I have officially entered the land of that tattooed. We are an elite group. Motorcycle riding, leather pant wearin' , trash-talkin' folks. "Why?" you ask yourself. And that is a fine question. The truth is that my inspiration came from Dan's two cousins Ander and Julie. Although Dan would tell you that it comes from my mid-life crisis, which doesn't even make sense because that would mean I would only live to be 72. Besides, I am SO buying a convertible sports car for my mid-life crisis. Anyway.... About 2 years ago they got tattoos and I just loved them. At that point in time Dan would not even entertain the idea of me getting one. So I just let the idea go all together. But in the last few months I have been thinking about it again. I wanted to get a lotus flower because of what it symbolizes. I feel like I have been making progress with some of the "issues" I have dealt with in the last couple of the years and it seemed fitting for me at this point in life.
Dan did not necessarily like the whole idea but, being the super supportive husband he is, he said go ahead. Actually, I think he just knows me well enough to know it is futile to argue about it! Poor guy.
SO, I asked my friend Aimee to go with me for moral support. Incidentally, if any of you out there are thinking about getting a tattoo you should get in touch with her. There is no better person to have with you at this life-altering moment. Not many friends would enter the tattoo parlor and when asked "Can I help you?" would reply "We are looking for something tasteful." She also made sure to remind me to ask all pertinent questions such as "What if I get HIV from that nasty needle you are using?" The reminders to breath were also invaluable.
The best part was seeing her get way excited about all of the tattoos she would pick if she got one. I think she decided on "Tits and Ass." The pictures that accompanied the text sealed the deal. Something about it appealed to her feminist side.
When I really think about this whole thing it is quite comical. I can't believe a person like me who has been diagnosed with "too concerned about what others think," would do something like this. My like or dislike for this decision has thus far been based on others like or dislike of this decisions. And therein lies the irony of the choice of the lotus flower. But guess what? I like it. And I am going to try and keep it that way. Regardless of what others do, say, think or act. But just in case, tell me you love it!
I will post some pics soon. I am trying to figure out a way to post them without taking up the entire page with photos. If anyone knows a magical way I'd love to hear about it.

It's Not Like I Didn't Know

2008-07-16T11:23:00.002-06:00

It hit me today. I knew it was coming so I am not sure why it was so shocking. But as I was looking over my teaching schedule for the coming semester I realized that August is quickly upon us. August signals something that I have been dreading for a while now. Preschool. I never thought I would be the kind of mom that worried about my kids going to school. I mean really. It is two days a week for 3 hours. Suck it up. But I can't help thinking that this is the beginning of the end. Now it's preschool. Tomorrow they will be bringing that chump around for their first date. They are going to realize that mom and dad don't have all the answers. That we aren't as smart as we pretend to be. Their teachers and friends aren't going to realize how special they are. They won't get their quirks. They won't love them like we do. I will have to stand back and watch them experience frustrations, heartaches, disappointments. And I am going to have to let them figure it out the way that works for them. They are going to have friends that talk to them about sex on the way home from school. They are going to start driving and trying to beat the train on 4100 South near 6000 West (hypothetically speaking). They are going to do something horrible like tell us that they want to move thousands of miles away to find themselves. That chump they brought home is going to ask for their hand in marriage. AHHHHH!!! O.K. I'll relax. After all it's only preschool....

Creature Causes Crash

2008-07-07T21:42:00.002-06:00

I keep hearing clips about this story on the talk radio station I listen to. You know how the stations will play little snipits of stories to introduce their news hour? Well all I keep hearing is the police officer in this case saying "and we have no idea why she was driving with a gerbil." It cracks me up every time. Why was she driving with a gerbil and why wasn't the gerbil in his tiny gerbil carseat? People never cease to amaze me....

Boulder

2008-06-30T08:09:00.006-06:00

We got back last week from our annual trip to Boulder Mountain. If you have never heard of this amazing place, I am happy. Quite frankly, I would like to keep it a secret.
Although it is near the town of Torrey, it is worlds away from civilization. See, the Sadlers don't do the sissy campground thing. We rough it. In trailers. With generators. No pansies here. It really is an escape. No cell phones. No computers. No responsibilities. It is one of the most relaxing vacations you can take.
Dan and his family have been going to Boulder for about 25 years now. You can imagine that there are some traditions that have been put into place in that amount of time. One of them is the trip to the waterfall in Capitol Reef. This has always been one of the things I have really looked forward to. However I found out this year that most of the people on the trip only go there for their kids/grandkids. I was SHOCKED. How can that not be fun? Killjoys - the bunch of 'em.
After the trip to the waterfall we go to this little podunk eatery to get ice cream cones. My father-in-law is going to kill me for this, but I will risk it. One of the memories I have of this place is of my mother-in-law telling him that he needed to buy all of us ice cream. He would concede but not without his frustrated "growl" (those of you who know him know the sound I am talking about) to show us all that he didn't like the idea too much. He has come a long way in this department, though. His favorite saying used to be "take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves." (**Also one of Dan's favorite pieces of advice. I enjoy hearing it more than you will know.) But he is less frugal now and enjoys life a lot more.
By far my favorite part of the trip is the time spent at the campfire. Everyone is together and it is just a great way to end the day. Some fine stories have been told at that fire. And the songs. Oh the songs. I don't want to brag, but if you know the Sadlers, you know that we have some beautiful singing voices. When we get together it is like a choir of angels reaching forth to heaven above.
I think most people would agree that Dan's cousin Steve is the best storyteller there. He can make even the most mundane story come to life. He seems to have some of the most interesting and ironic things happen to him. Poor, poor, Steve. I appreciate the laughs. Even if it is at his expense.
So another great year complete with terrific memories comes to a close. I wish you could join us next year. But you are not invited. Consider it my contribution to the preservation of the Earth's natural resources. All of those people up on the same mountain? Just not a great idea.
Hey. Check back soon to see some photos. I am still working on the best way to post them.

Exhale

2008-06-25T21:22:00.003-06:00

I just wanted to thank all of you for your kind and loving words regarding my last post. Dan's Grandma is doing much better. She is still not "out of the woods" as they say, but she is making steady progress. I have finally been able to breath the last couple of days.
Once again, I have seen what loving and supportive friends I have. I love you guys!

The Things That Really Matter

2008-06-18T12:41:00.002-06:00

As you know from my very first post, this blog is for me. I love that you all share it with me, but ultimately it is for me to remember my life and that of my family. The good, the bad, and the painful. With that in mind, please understand that I am taking this opportunity to vent my frustrations and the hurt I have in my heart today.
Dan's Grandma had open heart surgery on Monday. I think the day we all found out she was going to have the surgery, we were flooded with memories of all that we went through when Dan's mom had a similar surgery. Unfortunately she left us a little over two years ago from complications of that surgery.
If you have ever been through the loss of a loved one, you know the immense sense of grief. I remember being in a daze. I could not even imagine how we would would continue on without her in our lives. When I would go out in public and people acted "normal" I wanted to scream at them. Didn't they know what just happened? How could they be so cavalier? And, if I was feeling all of this how was Dan making it through?
Things got so different. Family events were few and far between. And I have to be honest, in my perspective at least, we drifted apart. She was the glue that held us together.
The worst part was trying to figure out how we would tell the girls. They were only two at the time, but they still needed to know something. It was heartbreaking, and even when they ask about her now it feels like I have been punched in the gut.
So here we are again. His Grandma was able to leave the ICU yesterday but, unfortunately, had to be transferred there again today. I am trying so hard to be optimistic. But I am so guarded. Afraid things are not going to be O.K. I am trying to remember that she only had surgery on Monday and that these things take time. I have changed that damn purple bracelet so many times I decided to take it off. I can't sort out my feelings right now.
If you are a praying person, please remember her in your prayers today. If you are not, some positive energy would be great.
Oh, and to all of the people I love - you mean the world to me. You have shaped the person I am today. I would be lost without you and your love and support. Thank you.
To those of you who are reading this - try to focus on the things that really matter. Spending time with your family, making memories. Don't waste precious time and energy on things or people who don't fulfill you or add something special to your life. Make the minutes count. They are only a speck in time. To those who know my struggles, I will try to heed my own advice.

Friends and Fun

2008-06-14T21:29:00.002-06:00

There is a girl that I teach with at SLCC that, although we have both taught there for a while, I have just known in passing. Fortunately last semester she taught a class after mine and I got to know her. Holy funny gal! The girl has a personality, and it gets even better when she is loaded. I'm kiddin', of course. Not about the lively part. Just the drunk part.
Tonight we took took our relationship to a whole new level - we introduced THE HUSBANDS (echo, echo, echo...). Sure, Aimee and I get along famously. She laughs at me. I laugh at her. Just like friends are supposed to do. Ooh, I just called her my friend. How embarrassing if she has just felt sorry for me this whole time and this was a mercy date. At any rate, I think it went pretty well. The MEN chatted. Aimee and I got a few laughs in. Some sacred and secret information was shared. What more can you ask for on a Saturday night?
The best part? She will even hang out with us despite the fact that we live on the west side.
Thanks for a fun night guys!

Summer Is No Bummer

2008-06-11T00:21:00.004-06:00

We have had a great summer so far. I guess it is not officially summer, but just work with me people. First, we got a new (new to us) travel trailer this year. Please, please do not think we are the bomb. Let me tell ya' a little 'bout the ol' trailer.
The Hulk. As you can conjecture from the name, The Hulk was a beast of a recreational VEEhicle. Green. With orange cushions. Don't forget the sunny yellow countertops.
You may be saying to yourself "at least you didn't have to tent it you spoiled rotten brat." Touche. But, shush. Listen. There is more.... Seems there is some little somethin' in the water heater of a trailer that needs to be changed everytime you winterize the thing. OOPS. Nobody ever told us that. Apparently nobody ever told the old owners either. "What does this mean?" you may ask. What it means is that after about 20 years your water starts to smellin'. That stench is now transferred to your body whenever you shower or wash your face. Let me tell you, there is nothing better than gagging at the smell of your own face. It was time to tell The Hulk hasta la vista. I was actually a bit choked up as the new suckers, I mean owners drove away.
So we got ourselves a new 'un. LOVE IT! We took it up a couple of weekends ago to Strawberry Reservoir. It was awesome. We had room to move and everything.
Uncle Brian (Dan's brother) joined us on our little venture. The crazy man slept in the back of his truck. BRRRR. The girls were so excited to have him there. But poor, poor Uncle Bri. He didn't get a moments peace. The girls were calling his name relentlessly. "Hey, Uncle Brian," "Uncle Brian, watch this," "Uncle Brian, come in the trailer." Uncle Brian might have gone a little cookoo. Dan's dad and his "friend" (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) Kathy came up for a few hours too. Good times my friend. Good times.
I have some great photos, but I need to learn how to post them so they look better. Stay tuned...

Watch Out Mary Lou

2008-06-10T23:49:00.010-06:00

So the girls have been taking gymnastic lessons at The Little Gym for about a year and a half. They love it now, but Maryn DID NOT like it in the beginning. In fact, Dan and I stopped telling her where we were going when it was gymnastics day because she would have a cow - a real, live cow.
At any rate, they are so fun to watch and the growth they have made since the beginning is amazing. Our little Skinny-Rinny (that's Maryn for those of you who don't know) can actually smile in class now. Madelyn really likes it because she can share her personal stories and tell other kids what to do. You know those annoying kids in school who always had to raise their hands and share a personal story? That is Maddie. Although it is somewhat less annoying because she is mine.

The girls just recently had their end of semester program and it was hilarious. Maryn was so proud of everything she did and looked all around to see if we were watching. Maddie loved her moment in the spotlight and couldn't get enough of the applause. The girl is constantly posing for someone - not always sure who though.
Dan was able to be there, as he always is. What a great dad - always there to support his girls. We were also very fortunate to have my mom and my father-in-law attend. They have been steadfast supporters of the girls and it means more than they will even know.
We were also lucky enough to have Dan's aunt Cindy and her boys Nick and Zach here from Colorado and they attended as well as Dan's grandparents.
What a great day and how lucky we are!

Reminiscing

2008-06-03T12:38:00.003-06:00

I may be one of the few people who actually has wonderful memories of my high school experience. There are times I wish I could even go back. WOW! The things I would do differently. However, that is not my point today. I know what you are thinking. Move on. Get a clue. You are lame. All of these are true. BUT... I saw a group of "kids" today (the fact that I call them kids makes me old, I know) that I believe were either done with school today or nearing the last days of school. They were shooting silly string at each other and chasing one another around. Just being those darn wacky kids. They were so carefree. I wanted to go up to them and say "these are amazing times for you, don't wish it away." Yeah, can you just see that? Whatever old lady.
I remember being so happy the last day of the school year. And, the day of graduation? It was all I could do to hang around for my parents to take photos. It was time to "move on." Looking back now I would have done things differently. I know - blah, blah, blah.
So here is what I decided today. I am going to try to live like I did back in high school but with the infinite wisdom I currently possess. I am going to try and be silly. Carefree. Full of life. I wonder if Dan will care that I am going out every Friday with my friends to Hardee's??

One Person At A Time

2008-05-28T15:57:00.002-06:00

Fine. You don't want to wear a stupid purple bracelet around (see previous post). You're too vain. Purple's not your best color. Whatever. Just do me a favor. Consider reading "A Complaint Free World" by Will Bowen. This book could quite possibly transform your entire way of thinking. C'mon, it won't kill ya' to do a little reading....

I Think I Can, I Think I Can

2008-05-27T08:43:00.003-06:00

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
-Lily Tomlin

I am embarking on a new adventure. Wait. Let me start that again. I am planning to embark on a new adventure. Sometime soon. Really.
Let me explain. One day while "surfing the net" I came across a website that talked about creating a world free from bitching and moaning. That isn't exactly how they put it, but you get the drift. The premise is to wear a bracelet similar to the Live Strong bracelets made popular by Lance Armstrong. Every time you complain about something you move the bracelet from one arm to the other. The goal is to complete 21 days with the bracelet on the same arm, thus creating a habit of not complaining. Originally I thought this would be a great exercise to present to my Yoga class at SLCC. Then Dan asked me if I was going to participate with them. Can I just say that I can't believe he even asked me that? Husbands are supposed to pretend their wives never complain. I am sure he just wanted me to appear to participate so my class would see me as flawed.
Anywho.... I have decided to set about this goal when my classes start at SLCC which is June 4th. In the meantime though, I am becoming more aware of how much I complain. From family to in-laws, money to time-constraints, etc., etc., etc. There is a lot of complaining going on here. And, as much as I hate to admit it, it is mostly from me. Dan and I were joking that I might have Indian burn when this whole thing is over.
I have to be honest though. I'm a little nervous. What if it takes me 5 years to be complaint free? What if it is 10 years? What if I die and they have to change the position of my complaint bracelet right there in my coffin?
So I invite you to embark upon this enterprise with me. Oh, and wish me luck. I'm gonna' need it.

You Gotta' Love Kids

2008-05-23T20:54:00.003-06:00

On our recent family vacation to Las Vegas and St. George, we were enjoying the hotels free continental breakfast. That's right folks. The Sadler's spare no expense when it comes to vacations. I digress.
Since we are constantly pushing the importance of protein in the girls' diets, Madelyn asked if sausage contained protein and, if so, was it good for you. I took this opportunity to rise high upon my soapbox and tell her about the almighty sausage link. "Yes Madelyn, sausage does contain protein," I said. "It also contains fat." "Our body needs fat to function properly, but too much fat is bad for you."
It was at this point I was knocked so far off of my improvised platform that I am surprised I am still able to walk. Slowly. Calculated. Pointedly. She began to look me up and down. "Mom, I think you may have eaten a few too many sausages."
Out of the mouths of babes.

YIKES!

2008-05-22T23:50:00.004-06:00

I must tell you that this may quite possibly be the worst day of my entire life. Well that may be a slight exaggeration. Here's the scoop.
Apparently someone who has a little too much time on their hands decided to research the worst beverages in the United States. You, like I was, may be shocked at what they found out. Are you sitting down? Seriously, are you?
Here are the statistics on a large (32 oz.) Baskin Robbins Heath Shake:

2,310 calories
266 g sugar
108 g fat (64 g saturated)

Let's look at America's Worst Drink in numbers:

73: The number of ingredients that go into this milkshake.
66: The number of teaspoons of sugar this drink contains.
11: The number of Heath Bars you would have to eat to equal the number of calories found in one Baskin Robbins Large Heath Bar Shake.
8-12: The average number of minutes it takes to consume this drink.
240: The number of minutes you’d need to spend on a treadmill burning it off, running at a moderate pace.

Startling to say the least.
Well I'm off. I think I better get a small.

Romance

2008-05-21T10:36:00.001-06:00

I have seen a couple of stories in the media lately about the meaning of romance. One was on Jay Leno and showed a couple who have been married seventy-five years and are as happy as they were the day they were married. The other was a contest on Good Things Utah that highlighted men who lacked the romance gene.
So I have decided to list the things that I find the most romantic. Some of them are not what most people would consider traditional, but they make Dan the hunk-o-burnin- love that I am so lucky to have married!

Nothing is better than seeing a man be an amazing father to his children. Hearing my kids laughing and screaming (and not because they are taunting one another) because their dad is playing with them really gets the home fires burnin' if you know what I mean.
Laundry. What isn't sexy about a man who does laundry?
A husband who always lets you pick a chick flick and knows that we are having popcorn (with butter) and a diet Coke.
A gift certificate for Christmas for a massage. Sounds romantic, eh? Did I mention it was the same certificate I had given him for his birthday a few months before?
A real massage gift certificate for Mother's Day. He really is the most thoughtful gift giver I have ever known.
Amazing work ethic.
His sense of humor. Many of you may have never seen this side of Dan. Consider yourself lucky. He can be brutal sometimes - just ask his mother-in-law.
Did I mention laundry? He also cooks, cleans toilets, empties the dishwasher, etc., etc. Hot mama!
Dan always makes sure we have quality time together as a family. Whether we go camping, on a "real" vacation, or just hanging out watching Sesame Street with the girls. He makes every moment together special.
Seriously, have you seen the guy? My own Italian Stallion.

This might quite possibly be the last post you see from me. He is going to die once he reads this.

I Caved....

2008-05-20T09:13:00.000-06:00

Fine, I did it. I said I wouldn't. Dan said I couldn't. But, here we are. I started a blog. Lest you think I am a creative sort, I must give all of the credit to my super cute neighbor Amanda for creating this page. You will probably not see anything else creative come out of this site unless I have her start writing my blog as well.

My intention is to recount all of the funny and quirky things my girls say and do. That way when they are hormonal teenagers and I want to ship them away to an all girls school, I will have proof that they were once cute and innocent. Sadly I was not the mom who did all of the scrapbooking and picture taking when they were babies. I was so desperately just trying to get through the day (that hasn't changed...) so I am trying to make up for lost time. I also think this will be a great venue to keep track of our family times together. They are so precious and fleeting fast already.

One disclaimer. If you do something that makes me laugh, cry or become irritated, you might just see your name on this site. Don't say I didn't warn you.....