The Things That Really Matter

As you know from my very first post, this blog is for me. I love that you all share it with me, but ultimately it is for me to remember my life and that of my family. The good, the bad, and the painful. With that in mind, please understand that I am taking this opportunity to vent my frustrations and the hurt I have in my heart today.
Dan's Grandma had open heart surgery on Monday. I think the day we all found out she was going to have the surgery, we were flooded with memories of all that we went through when Dan's mom had a similar surgery. Unfortunately she left us a little over two years ago from complications of that surgery.
If you have ever been through the loss of a loved one, you know the immense sense of grief. I remember being in a daze. I could not even imagine how we would would continue on without her in our lives. When I would go out in public and people acted "normal" I wanted to scream at them. Didn't they know what just happened? How could they be so cavalier? And, if I was feeling all of this how was Dan making it through?
Things got so different. Family events were few and far between. And I have to be honest, in my perspective at least, we drifted apart. She was the glue that held us together.
The worst part was trying to figure out how we would tell the girls. They were only two at the time, but they still needed to know something. It was heartbreaking, and even when they ask about her now it feels like I have been punched in the gut.
So here we are again. His Grandma was able to leave the ICU yesterday but, unfortunately, had to be transferred there again today. I am trying so hard to be optimistic. But I am so guarded. Afraid things are not going to be O.K. I am trying to remember that she only had surgery on Monday and that these things take time. I have changed that damn purple bracelet so many times I decided to take it off. I can't sort out my feelings right now.
If you are a praying person, please remember her in your prayers today. If you are not, some positive energy would be great.
Oh, and to all of the people I love - you mean the world to me. You have shaped the person I am today. I would be lost without you and your love and support. Thank you.
To those of you who are reading this - try to focus on the things that really matter. Spending time with your family, making memories. Don't waste precious time and energy on things or people who don't fulfill you or add something special to your life. Make the minutes count. They are only a speck in time. To those who know my struggles, I will try to heed my own advice.